legovanan
Old yearbooks can be extraordinarily depressing while uplifting. I was flipping through the one from last year (well my cheap version of it) and the old 8th grade one. All the mentions of old memories just bring them flooding back, like home room with Isaac, Leadership, Isaac as Snow White, screaming "HEY BEN!" with Connie at lunch, Siemaf hogging the ball, Amanda's obsession with Kyle Essington, shoots n boots, Reyes carrying Roshi, making lists with Isaac, debate with my two Ryans. Then there are the Troy memories like "Why aren't we on pairs yet?", Moyston and Vamron, passing notes with Camron in biology, trying to beat Sunni and Bobby at getting the high in biology, watching Shogun in history, helping Jen, Ashley, Ben, Patricia, Megan, and Justine with their FOP programs. I miss Esther and being "chaste" together. Sitting on Yogin in English was a disturbing experience, as well as him practically falling asleep leaning on me. I was like, "Uh.. Yogin? Get off.."

Then I see all the promises that we failed to keep. Keep in touch is a major one. I'm lucky if I run into someone at Costco, which actually I do very frequently, though it usually turns out to be Ashley. Hehe. Ashley and Josephine (Reyes is it? I forget her last name. Not Lau) at Costco. Kenny Taylor at Staples and Costco. Ryan Agsalud at Borders, Ryan Lee at the library, etc. I haven't seen Roshi or Isaac for four months. Troy people I don't talk to much any more either, Tim Kao, Jeff Ho, etc, and other relationships that have changed.

I really need to finish my IB project.
Happy new year's eve everyone!

legovanan
I did this survey thing last year around this time. A Year in Review type of thing. Let's see how much my answers have changed.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?: Had a boyfriend

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: Nope. My grades suck right now though I do read more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: yes, one of my aunts on my dad's side gave birth, and my aunt on my mom's side is 8 months pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die?: no thankfully

5. What countries did you visit?: China and the US

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?: European travel

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: April 11; December 1. And May 25, 2005: FIVE TIMES!!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: um.. i really didn't achieve anything this year, pathetically.

9. What was your biggest failure?: Letting my temper get the better of me. And losing my drive towards good grades and stuff. I get lazy.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: I'm a bit battered this week from the four days of basketball. My lip hurts so badly and it bleeds randomly and I have a few bruises around.

11. What was the best thing you bought?: Uh... probably my Kings of Europe DVD. I don't know. Or Twilight.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: uh definitely not mine. Camron's on some occasions probably again?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: Gleb on some occasions, Brent on some occasions, Middle America, and Matthew

14. Where did most of your money go?: I don't spend much money, but probably CDs, DVDs, and books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: Liverpool winning the CL!!!!!!

16. What songs will always remind you of 2005?: Um.. all the Wicked songs because this was the year I got into them. This was definitely my musicals year. "Elephant Love Medley" will always remind me of the awesome bus rides, especially singing with Andy. Ooo "What Is a Youth" definitely. My Romeo and Juliet phase of life.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i) ...happier or sadder?: At this very moment I am sadder than I was on December 30, 2004, but I had a nice January-October this year. School wise I was definitely better last year, though I love basketball this year.

ii) thinner or fatter?: eh about the same probably, though some people have said I'm thinner.

iii) richer or poorer?: I'm definitely richer in experience and according to my dad, richer in the bank too apparently.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: listen

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: shrieked

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?: yes

23. How many one night stands?: that offends me

24. What were your favorite TV programs?: I don't watch TV much and even when I do it's usually movies, but if it's on I'll watch will & Grace, ER, Smallville, and a couple others.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: Hate is a strong word. Intensely dislike would be a yes.

26. What was the best book you read?: TWILIGHT by Stephenie Meyer!!! Edward Cullen!!! I reread Romeo and Juliet. When did I read Wuthering Heights? OOO Wuthering Heights too, and Tess of the D'Urbervilles that I read over the summer. Wow this was a great book year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: Wicked, most definitely. All my other musicals are great as well, but Wicked. Hayley Westenra is good too.

28. What did you want and get?: Twilight! friendship, love, and many lovely memories if I may be sentimental for a moment.

29. What did you want and not get?: a trip to Europe

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: Um.. I really want to see King Kong and the Producers, but there weren't any movies this year that really stirred me up. I feel really pathetic if I have to say Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. How about movies that I saw for the first time this year? Then definitely Romeo and Juliet (1967), though my favorite movies are still the Lord of the Rings Trilogy

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I didn't really celebrate my 15th birthday. I always had plans but no one was available and I was busy and I kept pushing it back and back until there was no point. Kathleen slept over and stuff and that was nice, but it wasn't really a big celebration.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: Better grades, a trip to Europe.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?: Um.. I've become slightly more feminine, if you will. Ever so slightly Connie and Kathleen if you are worrying about me turning to the dark side. I'm starting to really favor the jeans, a spaghetti strap, and a zip-up/button-up sweater/jacket over it. My Gerrard jersey is still my favorite article of clothing though.

34. What kept you sane?: the Lord of the Rings, writing, Liverpool, and Matthew. 2005 goes from January-December, so yes.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Steven Gerrard

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: I've been considerably less vocal about my political opinions lately, which is frightening. War in Iraq, death penalty, and lately abortion.

37. Who did you miss?: Connie!!!! Elsa!!!! Olivia! Sydney! Isaac, Roshi, Ryan. Sam, Joe, Tim. Loads of other.s

38. Who was the best new person you met?: Um... I really haven't met anyone that new. Let me think... Vicki Leach? Nick Medling? I don't know. I kept to the same people this year. O WAIT. I completely forgot the basketball girls. TASHA!!! HAYLEY!!!!!!! I love Tasha and Hayley. They keep me going in basketball. They're both great people and Tasha's humor and Hayley's smile make me miss basketball. The other girls are great too, Ariana (though I already knew her), Joyce, Priscilla, etc.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: I don't know. I'm still afraid of the same things: failure and change. This year hasn't been really Elaine conquering her fears year, more like Elaine faces all her fears and sees them all weigh down upon her as they all come true. Hmm.. I just know I have to keep going. The sun will keep rising and setting whether or not I fail AP Computer Science and the days will keep rolling on no matter how I feel towards Matthew.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
See this is difficult. I'm tempted to just throw out something like "So Sick" by that one guy that's playing on the radio or something totally emo, but when I think back, my year was great. It just didn't end too perfectly. Since I cannot think of a song that appropriately sums that up, I'm just going to quote a song that pertains to my somewhat deranged attitude towards life.
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos- your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape

I never thought I'd quote an Evanescence song. My world doesn't exactly look like Amy Lee's as mine is distinctly more Elven.
OOOOO I just thought of the perfect song. I love Collide by Howie Day!
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide.

Alright I swear I'm done at 1:55 AM in the morning.

legovanan
It's a very scary thing when three hopelessly romantic, semi-jaded girls gather together. It's even scarier when they start watching Anastasia. Two of them start fighting over a cartoon character, while the other one sings along.

I was so shocked. Jen was like... crying over Dmitri!!!! DISTURBING. Very disturbing when someone who pretends to hate the idea of boyfriends breaks down and cries, "I want a boyfriend!!!!!!!!" She's probably snapped out of it by now. I am afraid of the power of Anastasia. It makes Jen like boys... ooo I wonder what would happen if I made Kathleen watch it. Kristina's always obsessed with guys anyway and I have resigned myself to literature. Edward Cullen, Romeo, Faramir, Feanor, and lately James Potter (when he was young) just because of that one amazing fan fiction story. (Jen you know it's great! Now we have to get Kristina hooked on it!)
God, or whoever is way up there that controls the earth needs to make a Dmitri for Jen, another Dmitri for Kristina, and a Romeo for me.

I have been procrastinating so much. I have so much homework left over this weekend.
AHHHH. And tonight I have an Asian party at Alex Xiao's. I also have piano in an hour.

legovanan
At Kristina's!!!!!! Some guy on a skateboard just passed by and she went gawking after him.... Pathetic people.

ANASTASIA!!!!!!!!!!!
DMITRI JEN!!!!!! DMITRI!!!!!!!!

Don't ask...
JEN WANTS DMITRI!!!
Kristina WANTS DMITRI TOO!!!!!!!
But I think Jen likes Dmitri more...
Kristina doth protest.

I love them!
But Steven Gerrard is the most perfect of them all, and he is MINE!
14 goals!

O yea, and Kristina got hit on by a guy at the mall last night. That was weird.. Kristina thought she was going to throw up.
Even more extraordinarily, Elaine got a MAKEOVER at the mall. Lancome... *sigh* That guy was freaky. He had WAY TOO MUCH FUN putting makeup on me! Apparently blue looks good on my eyes. And I'm really hard to put makeup on because my lips, my hair, and my skin don't match. My skin's too yellow to be with really really red lips. And the hair is "dark" apparently. I don't know where they get these things.
Kristina doth protest once more, "Makeup is cool."
O yes, and the guy, Anthony, who hit on Kristina had a lip ring. Kristina and I were revolted, while Jen was like, "CURLY HAIR AND LIP RING! THAT'S SEXY!!!!!!!!!" But too bad he didn't hit on her.

Weird things happen when girls sleepover.

legovanan
I am so depressed right now. I just spent like two hours doing a single math problem with my dad yelling at me while I was at it. I do the stupidest things and urgh..
I feel so stupid and so worthless and like I've thrown everything away. He kept saying how stupid I was and how I'm never going to amount to anything. I'm forbidden to listen to music anymore. I have to load my MP3 player with books on tape or Spanish crap or something. If I only had the "spirit" to succeed, I'd be miles away from where I am now. I don't know how to think. I'm only good at things that take no brains at all, history, English. In subjects where you have to think, I am nothing. And I'm not even very good at stuff like English and history. All I know is a "few stupid poems by some crappy English person" if you translate that to English. I don't seem to understand that I should be doing nothing but studying, as I'm going to college in two years. All I'm doing is wasting my time talking to my stupid friends who are doing nothing but dragging me down. In ten years I won't remember who any of them are and when I'm working at McDonalds I'm going to regret that I ever knew them. Don't think you're so smart just because you can beat a couple of your friends. You haven't met anyone good yet. And besides, you can't even beat your friends. How can Camron possibly be anywhere near you in math? How can you let Isaac beat you in anything?

I want to be perfect. I have to be perfect. Don't tell me perfection is impossible. I have to be as close as you can get to perfection. Not just because my own ego would take a severe dent if it weren't the case, but I would just be a plain ingrateful wretch. My dad has spent the past 15 years doing nothing but building me up. I would be nothing without all the time he spent. He gave up everything to teach me all that math, Chinese, history, philosophy, economics, etc and the least I can do is get a good score and get into a good college to repay him. But I'm so afraid that I can't do it and that I'll do something stupid or fail in some way. Why am I so afraid of failure?
Then I feel guilty if I go out with friends or something. I make myself stay home because I'm too ashamed to even ask to go out. I feel like I'm wasting my time so I should get some work done. Then I don't end up getting any work done.

On a better note: Liverpool kicked Everton ass!!!!!!!! 3-1!!!!! 3-1!!!! SOO HAPPY! Crouch, Gerrard, Cisse! And Arteta and Neville got sent off! Muahaha! Their two best players. Gerrard has 14 goals this season, 1 more than his career high of 13 from last season and we're halfway through the season right now.

legovanan
I promised myself I would be strong. I promised myself I wouldn't give in. I promised myself that I'd learn from Ashley. I promised myself I wouldn't disappoint Camron. I promised myself I wouldn't be a "pansy" to Elsa.

Why is it so hard to keep my promises?

I might cry.. Our game is at 12 PM tomorrow, which is exactly when the derby is. FINE. I'll just put Tim Cahill, Tony Hibbert, Phil Neville, Andy van der Meyde, Mikel Arteta, James McFadden, Duncan Ferguson, and the rest of their crap squad faces on the opposition. Don't blame me if those girls come out with bruises, scratches, and missing limbs.
That reminds me. I came out of today's game with a huge bruise swelling under my knee, a scratch on the bridge of my nose from the ball hitting my glasses, a bruised hip, and a very angry temper.
Basketball is still fun. You know the coach is desperate when she depends on Elaine to inbound the ball and get it up the court. Hehe I didn't lose the ball though, the entire 4th quarter. I was happy. I played almost the entire game.

I'm on a Ryan Cabrera fix tonight.
I won't give in. I won't!!!!
Have to get up early for our game.
I feel the need to end with a quote.. Let me look through my stash. How about something from the Buddha. No... don't feel like that one either. Something from Tolkien...
Ah here we are, Emily Bronte, another hero of mine.
"I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind." -Emily Bronte

Alright that's not final enough, or pensive enough. Ah, of course, Anakin.
"There is no greater misery than to remember, with bitter regret, a day when you were happy." -Star Wars: Episode III pg 246

ooo I remember when I read that in biology and Camron and I had a discussion about it. Alright I'm going to really go now.
GO REDS!!!!!!!!!!

legovanan
Derby tomorrow! Come on you mighty reds!!! Kick Everton ass!!!! Do it for me if not for yourselves! We're on an eight game winning streak! Let's make it nine!!! Come on Stevie G! Come on Carra! Go Finnan! Go Hyypia! Go Warnock/Riise/Traore whoever's playing LB! The midfield will always be brilliant, but Stevie Gerrard, Xabi Alonso, Didi Hamann/Momo Sissoko (who rejected those stupid Toffees for a great team), Harry Kewell/John Arne Riise, Luis Garcia must be great tomorrow as well! And then there's a brilliant front line of course. GOOOOOOOO CROUCH!
He's big!
He's red!
His feet stick out of the bed!
Peter Peter Crouch!!!!!
And Fernando Morientes must also excel, or Djibril Ciise, depending on who Rafa plays. hahaa maybe Neil Mellor could make this his first start since recovery. I mean, the opposition is crappy enough. Just watch out for a Neville sister to tackle you.

GOOOOOOOO LIVERPOOL!!!!!!!
RED>BLUE!!
LIVERPOOL>EVERTON

legovanan
I should really start recapping what goes on in life.
Well last night in our first game of the tournament, Nelly was coaching and not knowing very well what to do, and we were missing 3 starters, which includes Alexis and Lahari, our two best players. Nevertheless, we actually did pretty well. Hayley had the best game ever and Ariana played well. Elaine came out of the came with a swollen and cut lip.
So it was 39-38 with 16 seconds left. 16 seconds is a lot of time and we're like, "we can get a shot off then." So we decide we should play a 2 guard front to get Ariana a shot. Apparently, someone wasn't listening as we come out of the time out, and Tasha, our point guard, is screaming at Ericka our 2 to get up here and we spend at least 10 seconds doing that. I'm yelling, "SHOOT THE DAMN BALL!!!!!" and Hayley is yelling at them to do something with it. By the time they got their formation correctly, there was no freakin time to run anything and Tasha and Ericka just took turns dribbling around.
Stupid Alexis. She would have just driven through and gotten a layup. But NO, Alexis is available, but she's too lazy to come to the games.. Lazy butt.

legovanan
I feel a need to do something intelligent.
Yes that is a difficult, if not nearly impossible thing for Elaine to do.
The closest thing is writing, but Forsaken really is a weight on my neck right now, and I think I took all the poet out of me tonight.
What is there to do?
Looking at pictures of England while listening to Enya is NOT a smart thing to do when you don't want to be crying, especially with a swollen lip (courtesy of opposing basketball player who took it in her head to elbow Elaine in the mouth)
I don't want to do homework, though I've barely touched any of it so far, which is a highly bad idea.
I really really want to be somewhere else, anywhere else.
I really really want to write something really really poignantly beautiful, but I know I don't have the ability.
I really really want to read "Twilight", but that's under my bed at my mom's.
Everything I want has deserted me.
That or it's in England.

I don't understand this change in me. I remember thinking that home was the most beautiful place in the world, my favorite place in the world. I always wanted to come home. Other people got tired of sitting at home, but not Elaine.
Nowadays I want nothing but to be elsewhere. Alright that's not true. I prefer home to a plethora of places. I like to be at home, at Kathleen's, or in Europe. Anywhere in Europe. I want to travel. I want to see new places. I want to learn new things outside of a Troy HS classroom. I want to see, not just know that the world is round. I want to go to the edge of the horizon and see that I don't fall off, that it keeps going. I want to see if the Sistine Chapel really is that breathtaking, if the moors of Yorkshire really are covered with heather. I want to know if Russia really is that cold, if Paris really is the City of Lights and Romance. I want to meet new people.

It would be a really smart thing for me to turn off the Enya right now, especially since the bagpipes are beginning to play, but I can't stop myself...

legovanan
This is shocking. I haven't written anything at all for months. I haven't written poetry in almost a year. Tonight, the block has suddenly vanished, though I did have some difficulty getting this out and did not end up writing the end stanza I originally planned. It just wouldn't come out the way I wanted to, and on revision, it seems more poignant to end it this way, though I feel a bit incomplete. I broke the perfect 4 line stanzas too at the end. O well..
This was inspired by looking at old photos while listening to Enya at full blast. That woman is a genius.

Tell me your title suggestions, or any suggestions at all! This is the temporary title and poem:

Pictures
Images flood before my eyes
Those before me in ink
Those within me in spirit
All billowing wisps of memory

Smiling faces stare up at me
Faces captured in the laughter of the moment
Faces frozen in friendship, in love
Faces forever together, in joyous harmony

New images appear, fading those before
Faces of discord, of tears
Faces frozen in revulsion
Faces reflected in the shattered glass.

Is that smiling face the same one crying?
Is that beautiful friendship the same bitter silence?
Is that perfect love the same broken heart?

Constructive feedback please.

legovanan
So Christmas recap. First let's go into presents. If I forget anyone, kindly remind me.
The Notebook DVD and a candied apple: Ashley
personalized pillow: Robin
"Romance of the Violin" by Joshua Bell: Elsa (and her lovely presence)
"The Girl Who Couldn't Fly" by Kate Rusby and the most beautiful rendition of Rivendell EVER!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!: Kathleen
an mp3 player: Lauren & Erin
dream interpretation and borders gift card: Andy
the preppiest, pinkest von dutch outfit: my cousin Wendy
$35 to Best Buy: Dale
$10 to Borders: Melissa

have i forgotten anyone?

legovanan
Merry Christmas everyone!

These past three days have been a whirlwind! I LOVE THEE HANNA! I miss her already!

Today was... to say the least, a cultural experience. For one, it was the first time I'd ever been to a church service. And I learned why I will never be Christian. I cannot put up with a pastor lecturing. I am sorry. No offense to any Christians out there, but omg... I get lectures in school. I get lectures from my dad. I get lectures from myself. It was fun though. All the singing and all those people.

I'd forgotten how much I absolutely love the Lord of the Rings films. Well I hadn't forgotten, but it had sunken in to become a fact. Elaine loves Tolkien. Obviously. Everyone knows that. But last night when Hanna and I watched it, I was just overcome once more. Fell back in love with Faramir as well. It's so beautiful. I think this is my longest running obsession.
Which leads me to... Kathleen.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!! I'M FRAMING IT!!! Kathleen tops the Christmas present list, even before Christmas day. I don't think Steven Gerrard could top Kathleen's present, which says a lot. (You should be honored Ka!) On top of the "The Girl Who Couldn't Fly" CD, she SKETCHED Imladris, like full-blown shadowing and she printed it on the nice paper, for me. It's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo AWESOME! Or as she put it, "feeding your little obsession" I'm framing it and it's going on my wall!!! FOREVER AND EVER! right next to my clonmacnoise blowup picture. *HUG*
It even tops Robin's pillow. Sorry Robin, though yours was great too!
And I must thank Hanna for the Joshua Bell CD as well! I hope you had fun out here. You MUST get out here for Wicked!

I think I'll ramble more tomorrow. I got 5 hours of sleep last night and I've been out all day and Elaine is tired.

legovanan
elsa's in the shower so i figured i'd do something occupying.. where do i find something like that? o i know, ASHLEY. she had like 4 new ones, and i picked the one that wasn't completely redundant.
sorry andy! (ashley this is like a chain)
in 2005 ive..

{x} broken a promise (don't remember which, but i'm sure i probably have)
( ) made a new best friend
{x} fallen in love
{x} fallen out of love
( )done something you swore never to do
( ) lied
{ } stole
{x} went behind your parents back (*sigh*)
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close (my least favorite feeling ever)
(x) disappointed yourself (probably a bit stupidly, i hate disappointing others more than disappointing myself. well certain others like my dad)
{ } threw up from drinking too much alcohol
(x) hidden a secret (hahahaha! PENGUINS)
(x) pretended to be happy
{ } got arrested
{ } kissed in the rain
(x) danced in the rain (i love doing that)
{x} slept under the stars (you know technically, we do that every night. the stars are out there every night, and geographically you're always going to be under them. alright i'm going to stop being stupid and scientific. no unfortunately, i have not done it in the romantic way it's meant to be)
( ) kept your new years resolution
{x} forgot your new years resolution
{ } had to start all over
(x) met someone who changed your life
{ } met one of your idols
( ) changed your outlook on life
( ) sat home all day doing nothing
{ } pretended to be sick
{x} left the country
{ } almost died
(x) given up something important to you
{ } lost something expensive
(x)learned something new about yourself
(x)tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) made a total fool of yourself (don't i do that every day?)
(x) met great people
{ } moved (thank iluvatar no)
(x) fell on your face
{ } went to a concert
{ } laughed so hard you peed your pants
(x) laughed so hard you cried (do that all the time)
( ) pulled an all nighter
(x) went to disneyland
(x) missed someone
( ) danced with a complete stranger
(x) gone through one of the hardest times of your life

and elsa's STILL not out of the shower. i don't understand how you can stay in the shower for more than 15 minutes, but that's just me.

legovanan
ashley, WHY do you do this to me?
EIGHT firsts
1. first best friend: kathleen, who is still the best friend! yay!
2. first kiss: stupid evertonians
3. first screen name: Elaine3298
4. first pet: a black lab.. she was so cute
5. first piercing: hehe haven't gotten any
6. first crush: reyes... if i must admit
7. first music: well i started playing piano at 4. and i loved the Backstreet Boys at 7.
8. first car: still don't have one, unlike a certain cuban/white person.

SEVEN lasts
1. last cigarette: never had one and don't want to start
2. last drink: a chocolate milkshake from in n out
3. last car ride: uh like 20 minutes ago from borders
4. last kiss: uh.. hang on lemme think about that. october?
5. last time you said "i love you": uh... to kathleen like an hour ago?
6. last phone call: kathleen
7. last song played: Defying Gravity from Wicked

SIX have you ever`s
1. have you ever dated one of your best guy/girl friends?: i have a thing for falling for my best guy friends. no dad, that does not mean i'm in love with andy.
2. have you ever broken the law: hey camron MADE me jay-walk at that go-kart place.
3. have you ever gone sky diving?: nope, though i want to, even though i know i'd chicken out
4. have you ever gone skinny dipping: nope. i didn't know what that was until last year.
5. have you ever been on TV: uh.. chinese TV, when they were doing a segment on my grandmother they had a picture of me.
6. have you ever kissed someone you didn't know?: uh no, why would i do that?

FIVE random things
1. one thing you're wearing: my embroidered basketball jacket! i love it!
2. one thing you've done today: saw ryan agsalud!!!
3. one thing you can hear right now: the last part of Dancing Through Life
4. one thing you can't live without: friendship
5. one thing you do when you're bored: go on liverpoolfc.tv

FOUR places you`ve been in the past 24 hours
1. borders
2. in n out
3. home
4. old navy

THREE choices
1. black or white: white, usually
2. hot or cold: hot showers in cold weather
3. gentle or rough: gentle

TWO people you love
1. kathleen
2. my daddy

ONE thing you want to do
1. write a classic novel

legovanan
ahhhhh i'm so excited!!! elsa's coming!!!

legovanan
alright i swear it's the last one today. blame ashley! not me!

69 THINGS ABOUT ME

1. Initials:
E.T. yes, like the movie. i got enough of that from roshi in the 2nd grade to want any renewals.

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Andrew Lloyd Webber!!! Reese Witherspoon

3. Last thing u ate:
subway

4. For or against same sex marriage:
amazingly, it's one of the issues i'm not completely fanatical about. i lean towards for though

5. Are you homophobic:
no

6. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings:
haha nope

7. Do you believe in God:
nope, though according to tamplin i'm definitely deistic for some odd reason

8. How many U.S states have you been to:
uh... CA, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, Illinois, NY, NJ, MN so i guess 8

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in:
1

10. Ever lived outside of the US:
nope, though i spent 4 months in china once

11. Name something you like physically about yourself:
my hair and my hands

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself:
my writing

13. What is your dads name:
daddy! or ba (chinese)

14. What is your dream car:
uh... BMW Z3 or whatever they're called. i don't know the names. if i see it i can show you

15. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go:
England

16. Favorite type of food:
depends on my mood. i love junk food hehe, noodles, potatoes, steak, etc. go ask kathleen

17. Favorite holiday:
christmas and my birthday

18. Do you download music:
not personally, though i enjoy kathleen's stash

19. How many illegal things have you done:
uh.. it's elaine. think about it

20. Where would you want to go on a first date:
depends on the guy

21. Would you date the person who posted this before you:
rawr ashley rawr! but the penguin is taken by the bunny, and plus, i love her in a nonsexual, non gay way. or in my words: platonically.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally:
well, sang WITH me, right andy?
though if a guy ever did for me, moonlit serenade and all, i would.. i don't know what i would do. i'd love that guy though

23. Have you ever cried for no reason:
well i have my reasons, but others would think it was for no reason

24. Do you like president Bush:
DON'T GET ME STARTED

25. Have you ever bungee jumped:
haha no, but i really want to, though i know i'd chicken out

26. Have you ever white-water rafted:
negative

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?:
wait hang on how much older is he than me.. 6 years older. and yes amazingly, some people in this world do like me.

28. Last person you hugged:
ashley

29. Have you met a real redneck:
heheh yup

30. How is the weather right now:
nice and cool. not cold, cool.

31. What song are you listening to right now:
"Cry" by Mandy Moore from A Walk To Remember

32. What are ur current fav songs?:
Defying Gravity from Wicked, Cry by Mandy Moore, Cruel by Kate Rusby, Only Time by Enya, Heaven by Hayley Westenra, Broken Vow by Josh Groban, and Wuthering Heights by Hayley Westenra

33. What was the last movie you watched:
Gattaca

34. Do you wear contacts:
yes

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?:
Old Navy. got the cutest jacket! makes me look like a college student. got a black sweater thing too which matches really well with my clothes. OMG elaine is talking about clothes. EW

36. What are you afraid of:
failure, snakes, not being loved, my temper

37. Have you ever been hit-on by someone of the opposite sex:
uh... sure. not like i'm attractive to anyone though. even andy says i'm not worth it. i mean come on, he prefers KATHLEEN to ME. (hehe i love you kathleen)

38. How many pets do have:
none

39. Have you ever loved someone:
What is love but the drunken stupor of a dream?

40. What really turns you on:
the eyes and the voice. if he can sing and he's willing to sing to me, i'm in love. i'm a sucker for any of the old-fashioned romance. the eyes are the windows to the soul. beautiful eyes that have meaning, more than a pretty color, but depth within them just makes me fall.. hard.

41. What do you usually order from Starbucks:
mocha thingy.. ask kathleen

42. Have you ever fired a gun:
actually yes

43. Are you missing someone:
definitely. many people

44. Say something totally random about yourself:
ashley that is not random! i could predict that! you're always thinking that. watercolor is so much better than any medium! it just sucks that you have to draw the thing first.

45. Do u have an i-pod?:
unfortunately no

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity:
uh.. my parents' friends. they all think i look like gong li apparently, and my grandmother, who is an actress

47. Whats your mom's name:
ma. mother.

48. Who would you like to see right now:
elsa, sam, olivia, sydney, steven gerrard, kathleen, and someone who i shouldn't want to see anymore but i do.

49. Are you comfortable with your height:
eh.. just ONE more inch! please! 5"9 is such a nice height

50. Dogs or cats:
larry was a great footwarmer! uh.. i must say dogs

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?:
shh... only my daddy can catch me.

52. Favorite flower:
i'm sorry if this is conventional and cliche, but i love the roses. i'm a sucker for roses. 13 red ones and 4 white ones. heather and the other wildflowers that cover the yorkshire moors also beckon to me. fleur-de-lis have a prettier name than form, but i love them.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn:
butter

54. What books are you reading:
East of Eden is a good book Ashley. I was reading Twilight and Wicked. I am amazingly, bookless at the moment.

55. Have you ever ridden in a limo:
nope

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away:
not yet

57. Do you watch MTV:
used to once in a while

58. What's something that really annoys you:
people who ask REALLY Stupid questions, like right after a teacher says something they have to ask that exact question. COUGH ROSHI COUGH

59. What are some things you really like doing:
writing, singing, reading, imagining, playing piano, sleeping over at kathleen's, hanging out with friends, watching football, watching movies. i'd have to say my ultimate favorite hobby is letting my imagination take over my soul.

60. Do you like Michael Jackson:
uh.. i have no opinion of him, except that the media pays WAY too much attention to him.

61. Can you dance:
hehe not really

62. Favorite basketball team:
san antonio spurs!!!!! tony parker! manu ginobili! tim duncan! bruce bowen!

63. Favorite cereal:
after 8 years of cereal every morning, i detest cereal, though i must say honey nut cheerios

64. Do you drive:
not really

65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out:
without my parents: 2 AM. with my parents: 5 AM

66. Last time you went bowling:
uh... i think in the summer

67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room:
not yet

68. Last time you were at work:
haha friday at troy

69. Whats your favorite state to be in:
england is a state. a state of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

legovanan
Ashley!!! You need to stop doing these! I feel obligated to do them now.

WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT?
mine

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
black

HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST?
no

DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE ON YOUR TOP 8?
my top 8 what? but i'll answer no

HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW 'IN REAL LIFE'?
uh... everyone except one

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW?
beige/pink

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
it's actually spelt margoT ashley, but no i do not.

MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
Gattaca this afternoon. yes i actually bought the movie. $5 i couldn't resist!

NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIME?
watch, hair tie, and cell phone

WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
uh... white with pink flowers (what is up with all this pink)

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
like in my pockets? $3

WHO'S THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
let me look.. uh my dad

WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
pachelbel's canon

WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
dreaming

WHAT DID THE 7 TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY?
who's stalin in animal farm again?
from esther.. sums up my role in life

1. How many people on your friends list are ex's?
none

2. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
the breast, and i don't mean that in any bad way! it tastes good... omg robin don't think of anything bad.

3. What's your favorite town/ city?
LIVERPOOL!!!!! eh actually, london's cutting it pretty close. i love chino hills too, and killarney and ahhhhhhhh

4.How did your last relationship end?
oyy.. must we talk about this?

5. I can't wait to....?
see elsa tomorrow!

6. When was the last time you saw your mom in person?
about 1 hr ago

8. Who got you to join myspace?
don't do the myspace thing

9. What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
noodles

10. How long have you been at your current job?
uh.. my entire life

11. Is Tom on your friends list?
who's tom?

12. What's the last thing you said outloud?
bye ashley

13. Look to your left. What's there?
the mess of my desk, including my favorite pictures of me with friends, my planner, my math EC, my speakers, CDs, and a letter from elsa

14. What is the last thing/person you spent over $100?
i don't spend over $100 on one occasion. i doubt i've spent over $100 as a monthly total in my life

15. Who's your favorite villain?
eh.. i wouldn't call them villains. apparently i have a pendent for tragic heroes. let's see: Feanor, Anakin, Heathcliff.

16. Whats the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
uh.. probably something of kathleen's

19. What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
liverpoolfc.tv, my blog, andy's blog, soccernet.com, and fanfiction.net

20. Go into your text message log on your phone...
very poignant memories

21. Do you have an air freshener in your car?
uh.. i don't like those things and i don't hav ea car

22. Do you have plants in your room?
hah ashley. you have new flowers to put in your room.
and no i do not.

23. If you could drink anything right now what would it be?
uh... a sprite, or a chocolate milkshake

25. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my legs are sore and i hurt my wrist

26. What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
chicago

29. Do you own a picture phone?
nope

30. What's your bf/gf birthday?
don't have one

31. What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
uh... a mint something mocha... kathleen, what do i like to drink? (hehe i always make her buy it)

34. Did you do the deed on prom night?
haha.. i couldn't resist andy's tantalizing voice

35. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you?
it would depend on the guy and depend on the situation. i probably would, just because i'm such a sucker pushover.

37. If I don't like you...
i don't talk to you, and i'll try to be civil. it's quite interesting that i only rage and scream at people i'm really familiar/close with. so if you don't want to feel the impact of elaine mood swings, don't familiarize yourself with me.

38. Recent time you were really upset?
last night

39. Any ideas for your new years resolution?
get better grades, control temper, don't be moody

40. Admit something about yourself.
uh... i like to live in my head.

legovanan
Got it from Ashley!
Supposedly if you've seen over 70, you have no life. Number the ones you've seen. Put your score in header and repost.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease (ahh... leadership. the horror)
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) The Mexican
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Section 1: 3/10

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Young Frankenstien
( ) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Saw
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
Section 2: 1/10

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( )Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
Section 3: 3/10

(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( ) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Section 4: 5/10

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) 13 Ghosts
( ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Thirteen Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
Section 5: 2/10

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
Section 6: 1/10


(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) the Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
Section 7: 3/10

( ) The Ring 2
( ) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
( ) Practical magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
Section 8: 4/10

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys
Section 9: 1/10

( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Se7en
( ) Oceans eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
Section 10: 1/10

( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter.
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) Frailty
Section 11: 2/10

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
Section 12: 3/10

( ) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) The Hot Chick
Section 13: 2/10

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
Section 14: 5/10
oo i like that section

( ) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(x) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi
(x) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
Section 15: 8/10

(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap 1
( ) Parent Trap 2
( ) The Burbs
( ) The Terminator
Section 16: 3/10

( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
( ) The Silence of the Lambs
( ) Sleepy Hollow
( ) I Heart Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
( ) The Virgin Suicides
Section 17: 1/10

they didn't have any good movies in there, except the Lord of the Rings, A Walk To Remember, and the Notebook. If they had older movies and more Elaine movies, I'd definitely have no life. Let's see what my score is, if I can add. 48! hah! i have more of a life than ashley does... what a lie

legovanan
I really don't want to go to bed, but I have to. Argh I hate having practice so early in the morning. It disrupts my midnight sleep patterns, and I'm really tired throughout the entire day. When I don't sleep at midnight, I can't write. I want to write!!! I want to pour my soul out in words.
I don't understand people who can keep their emotions all bottled up. Someday I'm going to try it, and I know I'm going to fail. It'd just be nice to be someone else for a day and see how they react to things and how different it would feel. Weird, but interesting.
Alright Elaine is rambling. Good night.

legovanan
reading fan fiction and stumbled upon this quote.

It's the heart afraid of dying, that never learns to dance;
It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance;
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give;
And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live.
- - - Bette Midler, "The Rose"

legovanan
what is it with my dad? Going to a movie with Camron? Just Camron? Are you SURE it's not a date?
Dad, it's Camron.
O okay. Go on ahead.

Going to Matthew's house for the day? O no that's fine too.

But the second I say... "Can I go to the movies with Kathleen and Andy?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANDY WANTS TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU?!"

I swear, my dad thinks Andy's a serial rapist or something. A serial rapist who is pretending to be the effeminate "guy friend" and then will all of a sudden reveal himself and slit my throat or something. He gave me this HUGE theory about how Kathleen was just an excuse, and that he wants to go out with me and then as our "feelings begin to accumulate for each other", Kathleen will stop coming and then Andy's going to rape me or something.
Is it because he's 18 and he's asian? Camron has his own CAR. Matthew's British. Elaine is a declared and obsessive Anglophile, but no that doesn't matter. Andy, NO! Andy is going to drag me off into the wilderness that is Chino Hills and do bad things to me. Or he's going to try and seduce me. Remember how his voice got lower when he was sick? He was practicing his Phantom moves Elaine. That's what he was doing. Kathleen and Andy are not married! That's just a coverup!

*sigh*

I can't wait till Elsa comes!! Thursday Hanna!!!!

legovanan
Coach Yano is trying to kill us. We went an hour and a half without a break, and it was all full court sprinting. He's like, "I'm teaching you guys how to hustle." There were only 10 girls there too, so that meant practice ran really quickly and you had to do the drills extra amounts.
And pitting me against Esther one on one is the greatest injustices ever done! It's unfair to both of us! Too easy for her and too embarrassing for me. The only thing worse would be to throw me in with Alexis. Oyy.. I couldn't breathe for half the practice.

I've been surprised at myself lately. I have discovered another side of me, a very self-sadistic side. No, I am not cutting myself and watching myself bleed, though you could put it that way. I have no external wounds for anyone who's gonna go fill out a form about me. I somehow like to torture myself though. When I know I'm not going to get anything but pain from something, I seek it insanely. It's like a moth drawn to the flame.
Actually, I've known this side of me for years, but I've added a new dimension to it.
Maybe the pain is better than the overwhelming void. Uh-oh I'm starting to sound existentialist. Not good. I'll allow myself for once. Feeling pain makes you remember that you exist and gives you drive. It also makes for good writing material. Feeling numb however, makes you feel like you're floating meaninglessly, with no purpose in life and its then that I am most depressed.

Oyy.. at the rate I'm going, I'm going to want extremely sadistic, sad books about bunny suicides.
Must not sink to that level. Hehe you love me Andy.

Enya is great.

legovanan
I almost forgot:
Happy birthday Camron!!!

I'm working on your present, I swear. I just don't have much incentive right now. Sorry!
You all are 16.. I feel so young. And then there's 18 year old Andy.

legovanan
My mother doesn't recognize a sensitive subject even if it falls on her like a brick on the head. She also is very very annoying to shop with.
For ye who is a bit thick, this is going to be a complaining rant about the faults of a particular parent of mine.
Alright so I get up and my desire for the past 2 weeks has been to watch the Lord of the Rings. So I pop in Return of the King, with the clear message of, "I don't really want to talk right now." My mother pops up, "WHY are we watching this AGAIN?" I'M watching it. You're doing something else. Oyyy..
I explain, very rationally, that I haven't watched any of the trilogy since August, and this is the only thing that makes me feel completely at peace. (Books put me in a state of euphoria, not peace) And she's like, "O yea.. You REALLY haven't seen this movie enough."
"Yes Mom, I can't even remember the next line exactly."
"Then how come I can?"
"Mother.. you don't even know who the Ringbearer is, which is really sad, considering you are probably #2 in the rankings of how many times people have seen it, in all Southern California. Behind me, of course. Can you leave me alone now?"
"Isn't the director really fat?"
Oyy.... "He's lost weight over the past year. It's really weird. It's taking away from the essence of Pete Jackson."
"Really? What diet was he on? Maybe you should be on it."
Good thing Faramir's face appeared at that moment.

Alright so I calm myself down, and we're off to the Spectrum to go holiday shopping. Bought Ashley the cutest ______ ever at Nordstroms. Then we went to Walmart, my least favorite store ever and in the HUMONGOUS lines, my mom has to gawk at everyone and everything. "OMG she just spent 162 dollars."
"MOTHER STOP BEING SO NOSY."
"I wonder how much that costs."
Sometimes I hate speaking Chinese in public.

O yes, and I just remembered. I spent $20 on the Twilight book. The $20 gift card I got for my birthday. I finished the book in two hours yesterday, and I read it again last night. My mother will NOT shut up about that. "We should give it to Kathleen or someone for Xmas. Just wrap it up." "Or return it. Get another book. You spend $20 too fast. You need to stop buying books. It's too much money."
OMFG. I WANT TO READ. LEAVE ME ALONE. I WANT TO READ MY BOOKS AND I WANT TO KEEP MY BOOKS. I don't BUY books. I get them from the library. The one time I want to buy a book it's unforgivable because I read too fast. People like her who take a year to read a book and another year just to get the incentive to read it shouldn't buy books. That's a waste of literature. Oyy...

So I got Matthew and Ashley presents and we went on a delivery run. We get to Matthew's house, and I see that the garage is open, and there are alot of people at Patrick's house, and a bunch of boys playing basketball on the driveway, which basically means Matthew is over there playing basketball. Before I get out of the car, I tell my mother, "Just stay in the car. Please stay in the car. Don't do anything stupid like getting out of the car."
So I go to his front door and ring the bell. James opens it and I hand the gift to him and ask him to give it to his brother. I turn around and walk away and there's my mother, out of the car calling to Matthew. And there he is, walking over, and I'm trying not to scream at my mother in Chinese. Awkward moment. I call to him without looking at him, "I just gave your present to James. I'm going to go now. Goodbye." Yes, Elaine is furious at her mother right now. And then all the way back, she keeps pestering me about him. "How can you give someone a present without seeing them?" I'm like, "He got me something. I like to give people presents. If they got me something, then I have to get them something. But I don't like to give them meaningless stuff, so I look for something with meaning. He gave me something. I had to get him something."
"Why don't you call him anymore?"
"Mother... none of your business."
"Matthew's such a nice boy. He's so much better than Camron and all your other friends." and she goes on and on and on and on about him, and finally, I'm just like, "MOTHER. NEXT TOPIC." and ignore her prattling. But nooooooo she won't stop. SENSITIVE SUBJECT MOTHER. CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

Talked to Ashley for a while at her house. Assured her that I wasn't mad at her and went over her escapade from last night. Heheh. Girl talk.

Argh.. I feel like how I felt Friday night. I kept searching for something distinctly English to watch. But noo.. it's always the American girl and British guy. Didn't feel like watching football. Wanted something dramatic, but Harry Potter wasn't the answer either. So finally, "Closer" was on. That was distinctly English. I saw the Thames and/or rain in every shot, and the hotness of Jude Law was pressing in. Very uh... sexual movie, I must say. Not for younger audiences. I have stooped to that level. Then Sam has to email me for the first time in months and I'm just like all over the place. I want to be in England!!!! I don't understand myself. I want to be somewhere foreign, somewhere cultured. Some place that has a history of more than 400 years. I want to be in London. I really want to be in a big city for some reason too, which is very un-Elaine-like. I am definitely going to England for college. I don't care if it'll ruin my future or whatever. I want to be somewhere else right now. Fictional worlds only last so long.

legovanan
Thanks to Robin for her AWESOME gift! I love the pillow. I should take a picture and put it on here.
I just remembered that I really want "Gattaca". Yes, the Jude Law movie we watched in class.
I WANT A CLOAK.
Edward doesn't wear a cloak, but STILL! I want a cloak! OOO NOT GOOD I JUST REMEMBERED ANAKIN And ROMEO, both cloak wearers, and they challenge the validity of my statement that Edward Cullen is the most perfect being ever created in literary history. ooo that's hard. Romeo's soliloqueys are matching up the virtuouso piano skill... I don't know.
Ooo and I really want the Notebook too!
Lalala! I need to go Christmas shopping!

legovanan
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Brace yourselves people:
ELAINE IS IN LOVE

*swoons pathetically*

This afternoon has been the most blissful one. I'd forgotten the euphoric ecstasy a great book brings on. I don't care if it's a bit sad that a good book makes me happier than anything else.
but.. TWILIGHT
O MY F---ING GOD IT IS GOOD.
And Edward, Edward Cullen is probably the most perfect being ever created in literary history. Wait hang on I have to rethink the validity of that statement. Faramir, Feanor, Maglor, Alyosha Karamazov, Harry Potter, who am I missing?
Yea right now it's safe to say that Edward is the most perfect being ever created in literary history. Probably due to my drunken euphoria, but who cares?
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
Every girl needs to go pick up a copy of Twilight, and I challenge any girl who reads it not to fall in love with him. I don't CARE if he's a vampire. AHHHH. This is a vampire book for people who detest vampire books. You know me, I can't stand any of that stuff, but this book is PERFECT. P. E. R. F. E. C. T.

I think I'm going to go reread now...
Kristina would especially enjoy this book.
I have been made happy for the rest of the day, unless something dramatically dismal happens. I love how I was really really really depressed yesterday, and now I'm in drunken bliss.
Alright I can't take it, I must quote a passage.
"Just one theory-- I won't laugh."
"Yes, you will." I was positive about that.
He looked down, nad then glanced up at me through his long black lashes, his ocher eyes scorching.
"Please?" he breathed, leaning toward me.
I blinked, my mind going blank. Holy crow, how did he do that?
"Er, what?" I asked, dazed.
"Please tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldered at me.
"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" Was he a hypnotist, too? Or was I just a hopeless pushover?
"That's not very creative," he soffed.
"I'm sorry, that's all I've got, I said, miffed.
"You're not even close," he teased.
"No spiders?"
"Nope."
"And no radioactivity?"
"None."
"Dang," I sighed.
"Kryptonite doesn't bother me either," he chuckled.
"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"
He struggled to compose his face.
"I'll figure it out eventually," I warned him.
"I wish you wouldn't try." He was serious again.
"Because...?"
"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" He smiled playfully, but his eyes were impenetrable.

AH I LOVE THAT LAST LINE!!!

legovanan
andy has tagged me.
Rules of the game: Post 5 Weird and Random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. Also leave a post on their xanga/whatever to let these people know.

1. I can't stand the smell of leather. It's absolutely nauseating, which explains why I will never entire a furniture, luggage, or shoe store. It's like water to Elphaba practically.
2. My goal in life is to visit every single European nation.
3. I talk to toys.
4. I collect music boxes.
5. I think my whole existence is just weird, so this doesn't really mean anything. Uh.. Singing in the moonlit rain is really really really romantic.

10 years ago I was...:
-in my last year of preschool
-a spoon for the school play
-kathleen's best friend, even though she was transferred out cuz we talked too much in class
-read a book about christopher columbus

5 years ago I was...:
- 10 years old (wow i just realized the age differences between me and andy)
- reading jane eyre
- insulting roshi
- knew my multiplication tables better than anyone in the class
- playing basketball with the boys at lunch

1 year ago I was...:
- in love with Aleksei Nemov (still am)
- yelling at gymnastics judges
- adjusting to troy
- silent, forlorn, and unaccepted during basketball
- reading Anna Karenina

Yesterday I...:
- had a 103 degree fever
- shivered throughout the day
- reading wicked
- taking pictures of ariana
- croaked elephant love medley with andy

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. chocolate chip cookies
2. candy
3. chips
4. fries
5. ice cream

5 songs I know all the words to:
whoa there are too many of these, so i'll just pick the three that pop up in my head the quickest
1. "Reflection"--Mulan
2. "Elephant Love Medley"- Moulin Rouge
3. "All I Ask of You"-Phantom of the Opera
4. "Somewhere"-West Side Story
5. "What Is This Feeling"--Wicked

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:
1. go xmas shopping
2. buy an ipod
3. go to ENGLAND
4. go to the rest of europe
5. be a season ticketholder at anfield

5 places I would run away to:
1. my mind
2. kathleen's house
3. matthew's house
4. liverpool
5. london

5 things I would never wear:
1. A thong
2. plaid
3. checkers
4. a halter top
5. anything britney spears has worn

5 favorite TV shows:
1. Will and Grace
2. ER
3. Smallville
4. Everwood
5. ?

5 bad habits:
1. letting my horrible temper get the better of me
2. talking back to my mom
3. not willing to listen to other people
4. being moody
5. not shutting up

5 biggest joys:
1. being loved
2. singing
3. WRITING!!
4. hanging out with friends
5. reading
6. watching football

5 fictional characters I would date: (o now this list is going to be LONG)
1. Romeo
2. Anakin Skywalker
3. Feanor
4. Christian from Moulin Rouge (o the beauty of his voice)
5. Edward Cullen (from Twilight)

i tag:
1. elsa
2. ashley
3. kathleen
4. miriel
5. kristina

legovanan
Revised list!
1. 'Twilight' by Stephanie Meyer (tis a book that I can barely restrain myself from flying to borders and buy right now.. edward cullen! stupid GARRET. STUPID STUPID STUPID)
2. 'The Girl Who Couldn't Fly' by Kate Rusby
3. Any of the Histories of the Middle Earth. basically any Tolkien book except the Hobbit and LotR. I would be REALLY REALLY happy if someone were to actually buy me the Silmarillion!
4. 'Amarantine' by Enya
5. "My Story: Steven Gerrard" DVD
6. anything affiliated with Liverpool Football Club and/or Steven Gerrard
7. anything affiliated with the Lord of the Rings
8. A CLOAK!!!!!!!!!
9. an ipod
10. posters: pretty scenery or anything you know i'll like
11. Star Wars Episode III: the Revenge of the Sith DVD
12. Odyssey by Hayley Westenra
13. be creative!!! get something that you know i'll like, something with memories or inside jokes or something
14. gift card to borders, if you must

legovanan
I can't believe i forgot to put this on my xmas wishlist:
Star Wars Episode III: the Revenge of the Sith DVD

legovanan
Since everyone's asking me, what DO i want for Christmas? (Resisting the urge to break out into song, even though all that would probably come out is phlegm)
Let's make a list of specific material wishes. I don't know this year I'm not as big on something, probably because I'm less obsessed by one specific thing. Alright that's not true. Probably just because there's no Lord of the Rings coming out this year. *cry*
1. 'Twilight' by Stephanie Meyer (tis a book that I can barely restrain myself from flying to borders and buy right now.. edward cullen! stupid GARRET. STUPID STUPID STUPID)
2. 'The Girl Who Couldn't Fly' by Kate Rusby
3. Any of the Histories of the Middle Earth. basically any Tolkien book except the Hobbit and LotR. I would be REALLY REALLY happy if someone were to actually buy me the Silmarillion!
4. 'Amarantine' by Enya
5. "My Story: Steven Gerrard" DVD
6. anything affiliated with Liverpool Football Club and/or Steven Gerrard
7. anything affiliated with the Lord of the Rings
8. A CLOAK!!!!!!!!!
9. an ipod
10. posters: pretty scenery or anything you know i'll like
11. be creative!!! get something that you know i'll like, something with memories or inside jokes or something
12. gift card to borders, if you must

legovanan
*cough cough*
*sniffle*
Elaine is sick. Elaine has stayed home from school for the first time in her life. Elaine is trying not to think about the frightful amount of makeup work she'll have to do.
So yesterday after school I was home alone and my dad had bought me my favorite food and left it there. I only ate like a quarter of the fish, which is amazing since they usually have to threaten me for me to leave anybody anything. I went upstairs to do homework, and I could barely finish my math hw. After that, I was just like, "I can't do chem." So I tried to do spanish and couldn't remember how to conjugate poner. I couldn't stop shaking. I turned on the heater. I had on a long sleeved shirt, my thickest sweatshirt, and my dad's HUGE HUGE HEAVY bathrobe (the thickest and warmest thing in the house) and I was wearing SOCKS (gasp) and I was still freezing. So I went to my bed, but I was still freezing under 4 layers of blankets and all that clothing. My dad FINALLY gets home around 8:30 and is like, "What is wrong with you? WHOA you didn't eat the fish, there REALLY must be something wrong with you." He took my temperature and I apparently had a 103.2 fever. Lovely.
Stayed in bed till 11 AM. Finished the Wicked book! I was disappointed! FIYERO!!! *is in love with Fiyero for some stupid reason though Boq is so cool*. I like the musical characters better, though Fiyero's more of a bad boy in the musical. Nessa's a lot more likeable and there's no Frex/Nanny/Sarima/Liir/Chistery stuff. And what is up with Yackle? I have "No Good Deed" stuck in my head, though right now I'm listening to "Dancing Through Life" (part of my Fiyero trend)
Anyway, still don't want to eat. Watched an old old old Vivien Leigh/Lawrence Olivier film. 1937.. wow that's a long time ago. Queen Elizabeth was so cool. I'm trying to get the hw from yesterday done so I can focus on today's later. But I can't seem to focus, which means Elaine will do Euro, as it is the only one Elaine probably could focus on.

legovanan
owwwww my nose...
first let's get the complaining out of the way:
1. elaine is sick, thanks to ashley :)
2. elaine's ankle hurts to walk on
3. elaine is sore because she is a loser

But overall, it was fun!!!!
I don't feel like typing details right now.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

Stupid Garret is engrossing me into this book called "Twilight" about a girl who falls in love with a vampire.. He's been pitching the book for months now and I've resisted his efforts, and he finally decided to just type it out for me on AIM. Now I'm hooked and I want to know what happens. Argghhh

Daddy's home!

legovanan
Leaving for Ashley's in a bit. Daddy's coming home tomorrow!! YAY!!!!!
I'm a bit overwhelmed lately. Basketball, tests, homework, people. I love the basketball team this year though. All the people are so nice and I get along really well with all of them. I mean, there still are certain people I'm not buddy-buddy with, but there's no animosity and we're all comfortable with each other. I love Hayley, Tasha, Ariana, and Joyce though. I hope we win tomorrow!!! Even though I'm going to be in Disneyland.

I'm feeling better, though today for the first 20 minutes of Euro I was a little agitated and overwhelmed. My thoughts wouldn't stop bombarding me. I was like, "Think of England. Think of England. Industrialization Elaine. Come on you know this stuff." Wasn't working too well, especially with him sitting behind me. Yea but then suddenly I focused, which is good.

I'm going to be soooooooo stressed out next week. It's going to be horrible, so I apologize in advance for any stupid comments/thrashings/rows I have with any of you. Just ignore Elaine when she's in stressed out, agitated b*tch mode.

English today was sooooooo FUN!!! Before any of you yell at me or give me the look, I will explain this next statement: Shayne and I were reading the dictionary. It was SOOOOOOOOOOO FUN!!!! Alright I'm explaining now. We had a sub who was deaf or blind or both. My goal in high school is to make Shayne an emphatically empathetic enthusiast. For those of you who don't know him, Shayne is the exact opposite of me. Quiet, almost morose, introverted, never shows emotion, never seems to be excited. So today I was thinking, and I told him, "I think it was my destiny to have a name that starts with an "E"."
S: Why?
E: Because all of the best adjectives to describe me all begin with the letter "E".
And thus began our list. We got to 10 and then we couldn't think of anymore. So Shayne goes over and gets the dictionary. and i'm like, "OMG you got the dictionary?" and then we went to the "E" section.
Me: Shayne, we're READING the dictionary
S: I know.
Me: How nerdy are we?!
But yes it turned out to be hilariously fun. We started coming up with all these stupid words and debating over them. HEhehe and then he started insulting me, "Are you SURE you're not egregious?" Then Tamplin had to come over and join in, "Hey Elaine. You're epicurean." I am NOT epicurean. I ended up writing them down. I don't have all of them on me right now, but these are the ones I can remember.
emphatic
enthusiastic
ecletic
ebullient
ecstatic
emphatic
empathetic
extreme
ear-splitting (shayne especially approved of this one)
eccentric
entertaining
and oo i just thought of another one: egocentric

there's more.. but the list is downstairs and i don't feel like moving.

yes i am a dork and it is wonderful.

i'm also engrossed in the Wicked book. the musical is definitely better, but i want to know what elphaba will say to sarima! AND WHAT HAPPENED TO FIYERO!!!!!
and no matthew, people who like wicked are not stupid. they are cool. if you watched wicked you'd love it.
yea, royston was singing wicked songs with me today after school. it was quite interesting. his voice is alright, not the greatest, but at least he will open up and use it. haha he went completely off pitch during Defying Gravity, which i don't blame him for because that is a hard song to sing. it was so weird singing with a guy that wasn't andy though.

liverpool play boro in 9 hours!!!! 7 in a row lads!

legovanan
elsa is my love. she sent me something to distract me.

Section one: Just the beginning [and the boring basics]


Pick a ‘FANTASY’ name rather than your own: Alright, at the rate people call me this, it's not really fantasy, but Isilme!

Listening to any music? yes, my musicals on shuffle

Where do you live? Chino Hills, CA

When were you born? San Francisco ,CA

What is your starsign, and what typical qualities of this sign do you possess? Aries, and i'm the embodiment of it. loud, fiery, passionate, obnoxious, conceited, refuses to settle for anything than the ideal, refuses to accept reality, and knows the world revolves around her

What qualities: oyy... see above

What kind of mood are you in? depressed

What’s the weather like round your area? it's freezing at the moment, or at least i am but it's southern california, what do you expect?

Who is in the room with you? no one

What are you wearing? jeans, a shirt, and a jacket and i'm freezing. my hands are like ice

What is your make up like today? no thank you

Hair colour: black-brown

Hair length: very very long at the moment

Hair style: me? style?

Eye colour: brown-black

Eye size: um, relatively large for an asian, until i smile and then they disappear. seems like they'll be pretty large for a nice amount of time now, as i don't feel like smiling.

Shoe size: 8.5-9

Clothes size: 4-5 women

Height: 5"8

Occupation: student, wannabe singer, aspiring writer, and hopefully good friend

Hobbies/pastimes: writing, singing, talking, reading, playing piano, watercoloring, loving Steven Gerrard and LFC, playing basketball, watching football and gymnastics, obsessing over Shakespeare and Tolkien, watching movies

General loves: Arda (if you don't know waht that is you are a sad person. Tolkien would hurt you. i find it easier than to say the Silmarillion and LotR), literature, and Liverpool Football Club.

General hates: Everton Football Club. People who believe trash talk and gossip. Cheaters. Chemistry tests. (I don't hate the subject, it's actually quite interesting, but still) airplane travel. people who have stupid reasons for doing things. people who don't tell you what they feel when it concerns you.

Section two: Your surroundings

What colour is your bedroom? white

Do you have a double bed? it's a queen size i think

How large or small is it? see above

Do you have a;

(A). TV: downstairs

(B). DVD Player: with the TV. currently has Liverpool FC: Kings of Europe in there

(C). VCR: yes

(D). Stereo: in my room

(E). Computer: in this room that i'm sitting in right now. elaine's office according to mi papa.

What is your favourite item of furniture? uh.. my computer. i can talk to people, write, look at steven gerrard, and listen to music all at the same time

What kind of posters are displayed upon your walls? steven gerrard, harry potter, LotR, a british flag, anakin, a liverpool fc crest and my steven gerrard jersey hangs on my wall. tis beautiful

When was your bedroom last decorated? uh... no idea

Where did you buy your furniture? some store

Do you have candles? can't stand candles cuz we sell them.

Have a calendar this year – what is it? my troy hs planner. i'm sad

Do you live in a – house/bungalow/flat/apartment/villa/castle/other: there is a castle in a cloud. i like to go there in my dreams. but no i live in a house.

Do you live in/on a close/estate/street/road: in the clouds. what do you think: on a street

Who do you live with currently? my mother because my father's in china

Are you happy where you are living? i want my daddy to come home

Have you ever moved? we moved a bunch when i was little, but we've lived here for 12 years

How many bedrooms are in your house [or whatever]: four

How many bathrooms? three

How many rooms in general? too lazy to count

How big is the garden? eh not very big


Section three: Ambitions and careers [a short one]

Do you have a job? yea

If so, where do you work? Troy HS. it's a horrible job. doesn't pay

Do you enjoy it? i did until like 4 days ago.

How long have you worked there? ahah since freshman year

Do you get along with your boss? uh... camron? most of the time

What are your general duties in this job? work

What is your life-long ambition, no matter how far-fetched? to have my name spoken in the same breath as Bronte, Tolstoy, and Shakespeare. o yea. and to have HS kids learn my name in either english or history class or both.

Can you see yourself achieving this ambition/career? hopefully, someday.

How many jobs have you had? none

Section four: You, friends and your hobbies.

What kind of person are you, personality wise? loud, obnoxious, and conceited

What are your annoyances? what annoys me or what i do that annoys other people? apparently, i am really big-headed and i rub my grades into other people's face. o wait, i was merely complaining that i had a bad grade in one class. i was also just being happy i got an 100% on an ap euro test. but NOOO, to have higher standards than someone else is rubbing it into their face.

The kind of people you love: i don't feel like going into this right now.

The kind of people you hate: people who do stupid things

Are you a morning or night time person, and why? i'm a 3-5 period person. and a nighttime person.

Your best girl-mate: kathleen, though i also adore ashley and elsa

Your best guy-mate: it was matthew and camron, but now it's just camron

Work/school mates: ashley, yogin, vicki, robin and other people who i can't think of right now

Others: elsa!!!!! connie!!! isaac! roshi, eddie, olivia, etc

Internet mates: susan, miriel

Your local: someone british definitely wrote this.

Your phrases/words you say a lot: "ahh!! steven gerrard!" "where art thou?" "Camron!!!!!" "i'm RIGHT and you're WRONG!" "i AM the center of the universe!" according to yogin, i use "gerrard" "liverpool" and "hot" too much, and usually in the same sentence. hehe

What makes you a good friend? despite how much i talk, i listen and i give advice. i try to be there.

What do you require in a friendship? humor, trust, and most of all: intelligent conversations

Do you cry easily? i used to. i still can't really control myself, though i think this episode is making me better at it.

Are you religious? not really

What is the weirdest hobby you have? uh, what about me isn't weird?

Do you smoke? no

Do you drink? vodka is good. but no i don't

Ever done drugs? no i have not

Describe your most awful drunken experience: o yea, i was with stevie g at his local in Huyton and uh... yea

Describe your best drunken experience: hahahahah! now this is DEFINITELY i was with stevie g at his local in Huyton and i got drunk and he took me home and uh.. HI

Describe your weirdest drunken experience: oyyyy british people who make these things

Who is your favourite friend to get drunk with? i don't know. who WOULD i like to get drunk with? kathleen? uh no. OOOOO ELSA!!!!!! ELSA YOU ARE MY DRINKING BUDDY! you can have your fancy ales! you can drink them by the flagon!

Which friend do you least like to get drunk with? uh.. i don't know. probably camron just because it'd be weird

What do you drink? uh.. vodka

Where do you drink? at stevie g's local in Huyton

Do you own a mobile phone? yes

Who do you text most often? i don't text, but esther, kristina and matthew have texted me before and i've responded to the last.

Do you read often? haha it's my life.

What book are you reading? Hiroshima and Wicked.

What book do you plan to read next? uh.. haven't made up my mind yet.

What was the last movie you watched? stepmom. it was on TNT!

What was the last meal you ate? sausages at ashley's

Do you write, poetry or stories or songs etc? all of the above

Section five: Sex, love and relationships
can i skip this section?

The most obvious question, are you single or involved? oyyy

If yes:

(A). How long have you been seeing them? had been 8 months

(B). Is this a record for you? yes

(C). Do you love them? oyyyy


If no, do you wish you were in a relationship, and why? gah

Do you have crushes? not anymore.

How many people have you loved? none

Are you in love with anyone now? no.

What is the most romantic thing someone could do for you? i don't know anymore. reenact the balcony scene or sing "All I Ask of You" to me beneath the moonlight, i don't know.

The most romantic thing someone has done for you? I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT

Do you appreciate romance? i did

Are you really romantic, and if so, in what ways? i was

Most sexually complimented part of you (physical or non): WHAT?!

Do you have any sexual fantasies – if so, what are they? no comment

Are you gay, straight, or bi-sexual? straight

Would you say you are open-minded about your sexuality? ?!?!

Personality – what kind of guy/girl do you go for/you like: romeo

Appearance – same question: well, the ideal would be brown/black hair, hazel/green eyes. 6"2 stop describing steven gerrard elaine.

What would you want your love interest to be interested to you: what?

Is it important that they have a lot in common with you? uh.. we have to stuff to talk about

What starsign are you most compatible with? don't know don't care. some things say leo or something

The weirdest place you have had/or would like to have sex: in a garbage can

How often do you attract people? never

What turns you on? nothing

What turns you off? stupidity


Celebrities you think are hot: Steven Gerrard, Hayden Christensen, Ewan McGregor, Anthony Le Tallec, Robin van Persie isn't bad either, Sean Biggerstaff, Daniel Radcliffe, Antonio Barragan, Oliver James, etc.

Your favourite term – shag/sex/sleep with/make love/f: uh... none of the above

Section six: Music, TV and movies

OK, the expected questions coming up. What kind of music do you listen to? broadway and soundtrack

All the bands and singers you listen to: i can't list all of them. josh groban, enya, kate rusby, various soundtracks and musicals

Your top five bands/singers: josh groban, enya, kate rusby who has a new CD out that i want. come to think of it enya does too, Wicked, Hayley Westenra

Why do you like this kind of music, how does it reflect your personality? the music i like is very quiet, very mellow, very romantic ballads, which is opposite of my personality apparently

If you could steal anybody’s vocals for your own, whose would you steal? i like my vocals, but probably... idina menzel, charlotte church, or sarah brightman. people say my voice sounds like hayley westenra

Would you like to be in a band, or are you? i'd like to be in a musical

What would you name it [or what is it called]: the Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, West Side Story, Moulin Rouge, etc

What kind of music do you/would you play: no idea


Would there some kind of trademark or gimmick for your band or you as the singer/musician personally? uh no idea

Do you play any instruments? piano

If not, if you could – what would you play and in your band? VIOLIN!!!!!!!! BAGPIPES

Think up a music video for a song of yours and describe it to me: no idea

Ever written a song? yes. it's basically poetry to music

Your favourite music videos? backstreet boys teheheh

Your most recently purchased CD? Miss Saigon

Your favourite album: Wicked at the moment.

Your favourite song/s: "No Good Deed", "I'm NOt That Girl", "All I Ask of You", "Elephant Love Medley", "Wuthering Heights", "What Is this Feeling", "Popular" etc

Your favourite bands/singers as a kid, or growing up: Backstreet Boys

Your favourite movies: the Lord of the Rings, Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story, A Walk To Remember, etc

What kind of movies do you like to watch? drama

Your favourite actors: Ewan McGregor, Johnny Depp, Viggo Mortensen, Elijah Wood

Your favourite actresses: who do i really like again? Renee Zellwegger and someone else

TV shows you watch: not many

legovanan
Got this off Meghan's xanga.
100 Novels that people entering college should read

Bold - What I've read

Italics - what i want to/should read

Beowulf

Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart

Agee, James - A Death in the Family

Austin, Jane - Pride and Prejudice

Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain

Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot

Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March

Bronte, Charlotte - Jane Eyre (the lesser Bronte sister. no offense.)

Bronte, Emily - Wuthering Heights (ooo one of my top 5!!!)

Camus, Albert - The Stranger we'll read this junior year anyway

Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop

Cervantes, Miguel de - Don Quixote

Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales

Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard

Chopin, Kate - The Awakening (i don't know. it reminds me too much of Madame Bovary. i don't know anyone who has read it, so i don't know who to ask for critique.)

Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness

Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans

Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage

Dante - Inferno

Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe

Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities

Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment

Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass

Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy

Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers

Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss

Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man

Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays

Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying

Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury

Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones

Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby (awww.. SAM!)

Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary

Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier

Goethe, Johann - Wolfgang von Faust

Golding, William - Lord of the Flies

Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles (ooo!! also in my top 5!)

Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter

Heller, Joseph - Catch 22

Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms (well i'm about to read in english, whether i like it or not)

Homer - The Iliad

Homer - The Odyssey

Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God

Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World

Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House

James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady

James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw

Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis (i bought it two years ago and never read it)

Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior

Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird

Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt

London, Jack - The Call of the Wild

Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain

Marquez, Gabriel Garcia - One Hundred Years of Solitude

Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener

Melville, Herman - Moby Dick

Miller, Arthur - The Crucible

Morrison, Toni - Beloved

O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find

O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night

Orwell, George - Animal Farm

Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago

Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar

Poe, Edgar Allen - Selected Tales

Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way

Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49

Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front (aww...)

Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac (OO ELSA!!!!!!)

Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep

Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye

Shakespeare, William - Hamlet

Shakespeare, William - Macbeth

Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream

Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet (o my love)

Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion

Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein

Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony

Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich

Sophocles - Antigone

Sophocles - Oedipus Rex

Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath

Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island

Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin

Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels

Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair

Thoreau, Henry David - Walden

Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace (it's common knowledge that Anna Karenina is so much better. natasha pisses me off in this book, and so does Nikolai. i think i have something against the Rostovs. and Pierre is annoying too. seeing as most of the protagonists annoy me, why do i like the book so much? no idea go sonya and mary!)

Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons

Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn we're reading this this year

Voltaire - Candide

Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five

Walker, Alice - The Color Purple

Warton, Edith - The House of Mirth

Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories

Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass

Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray

Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie

Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse

Wright, Richard - Native Son

legovanan
I refuse to believe that people just get tired of one another. I've known Kathleen for 12 years and I have never been sick of her, ever.

I feel so miserable right now. I need to watch the Lord of the Rings or write something.

On an up note, one of few: Liverpool won today! They're now third! YAY!

legovanan
I've held back tears for the entire day. Now.. let the floodgates open.
Just talked to Ashley on the phone for like two hours. Thanks to her for listening to me.

I'm still in a state of shock right now. Well depression has kinda set in as well. Yesterday was all pure shock.

I feel as if someone's cut off my arms and I can't stop the blood from flowing out and there's no one to stem the flow. I mean, he was the one I ran to if anything went wrong at all, with school, with my parents, with Camron, etc. When I cried he was the one who held me, not the one who made me cry.

I don't understand what went so wrong. I spent Spanish today looking through my planner and seeing all the different tests and matches and birthdays I'd written down, I went through every one to remember how it was then and when this big cafuffle started. I mean, eight months doesn't just fly out the window in a minute. What happened? All I can say is that he isn't the same guy I fell for. The old Matthew was a nice boy, who knew when to be hilariously funny and sarcastically mean and when to be kind and caring. There's enough jackasses around without him turning into one as well. Is it just me or is it sad when you can't remember the last time your bf said something nice to you? Or you don't remember the last time he called you and your phone doesn't even have it under Recent Calls anymore? Or when he doesn't talk to you unless you start talking to him, and he wants to spend all his time with a guy with a red dot on his head and a computer freak that cheats as a hobby? I appreciate the fact that he has his own friends, but I'd like to feel like I exist. What if your boyfriend never gave you a hug or a kiss or even touched you if you didn't give him a hug first?
And no I don't think I'm hallucinating because almost everyone I've talked to notes the difference. Maybe my domineering personality is damaging his ego or something. Nowadays he sits there and waits for an opportunity for him to diss someone, even Ashley. I mean, Robin, Royston, and me are pretty pathetic and easy to diss and everyone does it so that's not too out of the ordinary, but you've got to have some guts and some wit to try and insult people like Ashley. He tries so hard to be funny that he disregards the things that were the essence of his persona, or at least what I loved about him.

Maybe the problem was the lack of conflict. For example, Camron and I have had some pretty serious, nasty fights and "quiet" periods of time. Not like Camron and Elaine arguing about stupid stuff, like actual, I didn't think he'd ever speak to me again. I've been called "the most irresponsible person I've ever met" and other numerous things and I've called him some pretty bad things in return. Yet in the end, we always came out of it, and it made us stronger and it was something to laugh about on the bus in the morning. Matthew and I never fought, other than how much better Liverpool is than Everton and other nonsense like the French and the English. So when actual conflict arose, we couldn't deal with it. I wrote him that letter not like, "You have to either change or we're breaking up." I was communicating in the way I am most fluent, through writing. It was like a list of my grievances. I wanted to talk it out and figure out what was going on and what was wrong, but apparently he chose the easy way out and just cut it off. I still want to know what went wrong.

I can't even look at him without wanting to burst into tears, which obviously makes things a little awkward. During AP Euro, I forgot exactly what happened, but someone asked me if he was sexy or something, and I answered, "O yea... of course. No one better in the room." And Matthew has the nerve and sensitivity to tease, "ooo going for him now, are we?" I just stared at him; how could you even think of saying something like that to me right now? Do you not understand that I'm just trying not to cry?
On the bus ride home, there was a moment when he said something really funny and I laughed and our eyes met and for a second it was like we'd gone back to like... May. It was so beautiful and poignant that I had to hide behind the bus seats to hide my tears. The memories are rushing at me and I can't keep them back. I'm so glad it's the weekend. I already failed 2 quizzes and a chem test. Any more school days without a break I'd probably need to drop out of Troy.

Everywhere and everything reminds me. It's maddening. I can't look at Steven Gerrard without thinking of him or go onto the Liverpool website. My mom was telling me about some sale at Circuit City tomorrow morning that she's going to, and all I heard was "Circuit City" and my mind went, "haha Matthew's dad ran into the glass at Circuit City". In Spanish we were making Aztec calendars (basically another excuse for Spanish teachers not to teach and just make us color) and I colored the inside in my favorite color spectrum: sky blue, aqua, and purple with other shades of blue mixed in, and I had to stop coloring because all the colors reminded me of him and all the silly arguments we've had over the superiority of red over blue. I had tacos for dinner, and I thought of how he always orders chicken quesadillas at Chilis. I had Pepsi instead of Coke and I know how Matthew likes Dr. Pepper but not root beer.

I really should go to bed. I shall end with a quote Kristina probably loves, slightly altered so it fits more of an Elaine style, as the original words were too bland and unpoetic:
What do you do when the only person who can stop your tears is the one who made them flow?