legovanan
I am so depressed right now. I just spent like two hours doing a single math problem with my dad yelling at me while I was at it. I do the stupidest things and urgh..
I feel so stupid and so worthless and like I've thrown everything away. He kept saying how stupid I was and how I'm never going to amount to anything. I'm forbidden to listen to music anymore. I have to load my MP3 player with books on tape or Spanish crap or something. If I only had the "spirit" to succeed, I'd be miles away from where I am now. I don't know how to think. I'm only good at things that take no brains at all, history, English. In subjects where you have to think, I am nothing. And I'm not even very good at stuff like English and history. All I know is a "few stupid poems by some crappy English person" if you translate that to English. I don't seem to understand that I should be doing nothing but studying, as I'm going to college in two years. All I'm doing is wasting my time talking to my stupid friends who are doing nothing but dragging me down. In ten years I won't remember who any of them are and when I'm working at McDonalds I'm going to regret that I ever knew them. Don't think you're so smart just because you can beat a couple of your friends. You haven't met anyone good yet. And besides, you can't even beat your friends. How can Camron possibly be anywhere near you in math? How can you let Isaac beat you in anything?

I want to be perfect. I have to be perfect. Don't tell me perfection is impossible. I have to be as close as you can get to perfection. Not just because my own ego would take a severe dent if it weren't the case, but I would just be a plain ingrateful wretch. My dad has spent the past 15 years doing nothing but building me up. I would be nothing without all the time he spent. He gave up everything to teach me all that math, Chinese, history, philosophy, economics, etc and the least I can do is get a good score and get into a good college to repay him. But I'm so afraid that I can't do it and that I'll do something stupid or fail in some way. Why am I so afraid of failure?
Then I feel guilty if I go out with friends or something. I make myself stay home because I'm too ashamed to even ask to go out. I feel like I'm wasting my time so I should get some work done. Then I don't end up getting any work done.

On a better note: Liverpool kicked Everton ass!!!!!!!! 3-1!!!!! 3-1!!!! SOO HAPPY! Crouch, Gerrard, Cisse! And Arteta and Neville got sent off! Muahaha! Their two best players. Gerrard has 14 goals this season, 1 more than his career high of 13 from last season and we're halfway through the season right now.