Currently listening: "Cold of December"--Ken Oak Band

My new favourite band! They came to play here at Night Market on Saturday night and we totally fell in love.. Jaclyn and I bought two of their CDs and I haven't listened to anything else since. SO beautiful. I love cellos... A rock band with an Asian lead singer who plays the cello. So amazing.

Anyway, my pre-frosh just left. It's so strange how far I've come. It seems like so long ago when I was a pre-frosh in this very dorm. It feels like I've been at Amherst forever, but my life at Troy and at home is also so present in my mind. One of these days it'll probably hit me how much I've grown or changed or learned in my first year here, other than just first time experiences like the snow and Dunkin Donuts. I've realized that I'm just as silly and sentimental as ever, and I don't know how much that will ever change. Not that there's anything wrong with being sentimental or romantic to a degree, but it does tend to take the lustre off things that I already have, beautiful things that I really should take the time to appreciate in the here and now. I always wonder if I'll just wake up one day and be satisfied and content with what I have, not always wondering what is on the other side, not wishing for something more. I think that's why I loved "Madame Bovary" so much, despite how... utterly irritating.. she is. She's obviously one of the most extreme examples ever, but Flaubert definitely captures the fragile, ethereal heights at which human fancy can soar, offering promises that the rock of the world was founded securely on a fairy's wing, as Fitzgerald would say.

This past weekend was really horrible. Accursed history paper on nuns. Grr. Now I just have to write my Spanish paper and then I can maybe relax for a bit. But what of that? What purpose does that serve? What purpose does anything of this serve?

Oh, just another note. Last weekend, Blanca (the Spanish TA from Barcelona) came and hung out with us Friday night. She, Camille, Shannon, anD I went to Jamboree, which was awesome and filled with lovely cultural stuff that I actually miss. Then we sat around and played cards and then talked till about 3:30 am. As Blanca was leaving, she didn't realize what time it was and was absolutely shocked that she had stayed that long. It was rather hilarious. It was really interesting though, because we went from talking about Spanish government and history (transition from Franco to democracy), comparing it to American government, then a serious discussion about religion, where it was very interesting to see different viewpoints (Blanca who went to Catholic school in Spain, Ethan, whose father is an Episcopal minister, and Jesse, who's Jewish), and then that moved to Santa Claus and traumatic childhood moments. Blanca's sisters are apparently very abusive. They blame everything on her. I love Blanca. I wish the TAs wouldn't have to leave next year. :(

Sarah's coming to visit me on Friday!! YAYYY!!! For all of you who are reading this, this should put some ideas into your heads as well. As in.. COME VISIT ME!!!

I got Shayne and Kathleen's birthday presents in the mail recently. Shayne got me a collection of Fitzgerald's short stories, which made me smile (beautiful wrapping and all, of course). I shall read them immediately! Right after Kant, and Adam Smith, and Proust, and random Spanish authors, and Sartre, and... AHH IT WILL NEVER END! BUT NEVER FEAR! I WILL GET TO IT!
Kathleen's present was so sweet. I guess she adopted a theme of reminding me of home. She sent lots of Chinese snacks, which made me very happy (particularly the 瓜子), "Miss Congeniality," my favourite kind of lotion, and a picture frame that she made of me and her with our piano teacher after a recital when we were about six years old... It was so sweet! Add on top of that a "collection" of photos of places in Chino Hills that are particularly significant to us, such as In-N-Out, Borders (Kathleen's other home), the park in front of her house, etc. I even got a picture of Derek with his two missing teeth (he's a big boy now.. hopefully can control his urine).

I'm not sure what I'm doing for the summer. There are a number of jobs here that I can apply for, which would be a really sweet deal because they pay pretty well and provide housing, but I really don't want to stay here all summer practically by myself. I want to go home, but I don't know what I'll do at home. I really don't want to stay in the house all day doing nothing, and I'll probably have to work if I want to avoid working during the semester. But I also don't know where I should work/how to apply from way out here. I looked at some internships, but didn't find anything particularly appealing. I have no idea what I want to do, let alone what I'm qualified to do, other than perhaps journalism. Other than the fact that I missed the deadline for the LA Times, I kind of want to intern at something different, just to see what else there is because I really have no clue what my possible career options are. I don't know why I'm worrying about this right now. I was also freaking out earlier today because I'm starting to think I fail at history. Alright, I'm being melodramatic when I say fail, but I do so much better at literary classes and I write much better literary essays than historical essays. All the professors that have really liked me thus far and really liked my writing have been literary in some way (none in the English department though since I don't really like the courses offered, but German, French, and Spanish literature). In history, I don't really know what to say most of the time and feel really intimidated by the professor. Hopefully it's just the two professors I've had. We'll see. That brings me to my tentative schedule for next semester:
-The Modern Middle East: 1800-Present
-Logic
-Elementary French (SHH don't tell my dad)
-American Politics/Foreign Policy

I'm also planning on shopping "Art and Architecture of Europe from 1400 to 1800" and a couple of other classes.

While we're on the subject of planning out my life (Jaclyn-esque style), I've been thinking about study abroad. I haven't decided if I want to go to Spain or France yet, but I've been leaning more towards studying for a whole year than one semester. I mean, you only get to study abroad once really, and I'd like to be there for longer just so I can feel more settled and really enjoy the environment. Time passes so fast, which, though cliche, has been vindicated by Andy's time in London, I think. I would want to go to so many places in Europe that I would want more time just to be in Barcelona or Paris or wherever it is I end up going to. But I don't know if this is possible, especially if I keep doing newspaper, since we transition the staff every November, so I would have to be there for the first two months. Bah. We'll see. I don't even know if I'll still be on the newspaper. That's a lie. I have these moments when I think it's not worth it and I should just stop when the year is over, but I know I won't. Bah!

BUT SARAH'S COMING TO SEE ME!! :D