legovanan
Wow. Lots to say. Weekend synopsis
Friday night:
went out with Kathleen and family to buffet. We were going to go watch Phantom of the Opera with our moms, but NO!!! someone's WATER POLO GAME had to go over.. ::sniff:: i didn't get to sing and cry w/ Erik!! It was fun though. Derek kept trying to walk everywhere without falling down.. it was so cute. When we finally went back to her house, we were all sitting in the living room. Her mom and my mom occupied both of the couches; she was on the ground, leaning on the couch, and i was using her as a pillow. Such a nice pillow you make Kathleen. Justine HAD to come over and kill it. o well, she was next to me, and Derek was trying to walk on top of us.. It was so cute; we should've taken a picture.

Saturday:
me, Kathleen, and Camron went around the Spectrum. Camron wanted to go bowling, and was bored, so he left early. Me and Kathleen went from Mega Cuts at one end of the Spectrum, all the way to Kohl's on the other side, AND some weird makeup store. I forget the name. She dragged me there!! I never knew you could have so many different shades of red for lipstick. At Fashion Joy, we tried on the most ridiculous things. She had this long, really pretty, black dress that you could've worn to winter formal, and I got this way too short pink dress and this cute white sweater. I looked like I was going to Snow White's wedding (and looked like a ditz. all i needed to do was dye my hair blonde) and she looked so pretty!!!! It was disturbing, yet hilarious; we should've taken pictures. Then we switched. Kathleen looked like a ditz with the pink!
OMG!!!!!!! I WATCHED RETURN OF THE KING EXTENDED!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!! ::sighs dreamily:: I watched the entire movie once, and then went back, turned on cast audio commentary, and watched select scenes (the ones with Faramir.. hehe) and a couple of my other favorites, and then watched major portions of the Appendices. I laughed, cried, sobbed, and basically experienced every emotion possible. I burst into sobs when at the end of "The Passing of an Age", Viggo says, "To all the Tolkien fans, namarie..." They just HAD to have him say it. If it were anyone else, from Elijah to Pete Jackson, it would have been better, I wouldn't have cried, but to hear Viggo Mortensen say, "namarie" was just too hard... ::sigh:: IT'S OVER!!!!!!! i'm gonna go cry.
Today:
went bowling with Isaac, Roshi, Camron, Ashley, and Jessica. I suck really bad, but it was fun. Isaac wouldn't stop winning. It was so good to see everyone again.

I MISS ELSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I started crying watching "Peregrin, Guard of the Citadel" (one of my favorite scenes) because I thought of you Hanna! (In case you're confused, I call Elsa Hanna. one of her NUMEROUS, and trust me, their numerous, nicknames) Watching Pippin and Faramir... ARGH!!! YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!!!
school tomorrow.. alright, i only have to slave away for another semester; OMG!!!! NEW SCHEDULE!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! NEW EVIL, HORRIBLE SCHEDULE!!!!!!! i wish i had Mrs. Wilson again, but I doubt it. ARGH!!!!!!!!!! IT MUST BE GOOD!!!!!!!
"And thus it was, the Fourth Age of Middle-Earth began, and the Fellowship of the Ring, though eternally bound by friendship and love, was ended..."
I was crying there too.
I loved the scene, "the Captain and the White Lady", once I got over the pangs of jealousy and the urge to take a very sharp object and stab Eowyn (actually i'm still not over it, and will never be). I can still root for the Witch King when they have their little confrontation though, even if I like the fact taht she kicks butt. I love the look of uttermost contentment and bliss upon his face... he looks so sweet... ::sighs dreamily:: It motivated me to write more of "Forsaken". How's "Hunter's Jewel" Miriel??
alright i swear i'm gonna end this time with this quote. I was going to with the other one.. I love Tolkien too much; not healthy, but o well. argh i need to stop rambling, but Connie told me to, so she can have something to do
alright think of a quote:
"End? No the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver glass... And then you see it."
"What? See what Gandalf?"
"White shores, and beyond, a far green country, under a swift sunrise."
"Well, that doesn't sound so bad."

:sigh: that's what i think of every time death crosses my mind in some semblance or form.

legovanan
Since I have nothing better to do with life, whooops, I mean, because I'm not allowed to do anything with my life, I went out and looked for Faramir/Eowyn collages.. Found some pretty good ones, if Eowyn weren't in them. But o well... The scene "the Captain and the White Lady" which i FINALLY got to watch is sooo sweet... OMG I almost cried watching Faramir... he's sooo sweet and the look of uttermost bliss upon his face ::sigh:: alright... if he's happy, even if it has to be stupid eowyn... Right Elsa? Just like DIAMOND.
This one is pretty nice: A Lonely Miracle... some of us need those:


so pretty... Then there's this one.. ARGH. the two of them.. too close. ah well. i still like the one of Faramir himself that Connie sent me. I'm gonna make these into layouts one day, when I learn how:


aww... those made me feel a lot better, though aggravated at it being EOWYN. The song Arwen sings is sooo pretty! I love the lyrics, and I must learn it. Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens are such good writers; i love them. I didn't think Liv Tyler could sing, but then again, her dad's the guy in Aerosmith. Her voice has this almost ethereal quality to it, perfect for an Elven lady.
my chatter's screwed up. someone screwed it up.

legovanan
whoa.. first disgusting entries on my chatter, and now it's screwed up. thanks to whoever did that, and i have a pretty good idea who it was.

I'm getting WAY too obsessed w/ this soundtrack. ELSA DID YOU GET IT YET?! Gerard Butler's voice is gonna end up making me cry. I mean, his voice isn't that great, and you can tell he's not a professional singer, but the emotions that are carried in his voice are so great. His voice is rough, yet really emotional and I'm gonna start crying just listening to it. I love how he says "welcome" and his little rendition of Masquerade in "Down Once More".. the last part of that song when he's crying/singing is sooo good. Yes kathleen, I know I only like the parts where he's crying. It's not because he's crying; it's because his voice sounds awesome when he's like that... ehheeh

OMG!!!!!! I GOT THE HIGH FOR THE BIO FINAL!!!! AHHH!!! so i have an A in three of classes, probably in ICT as well, and hopefully in Algebra 2. Have Spanish final tomorrow, and two hour bball practice, unless it keeps raining.
This weekend is gonna be soooo AWESOME! Three day weekend, with absolutely NO homework, and plus, my mom's back, so i can FINALLY go an entire day just watching LotR!!! ahh!!!!

legovanan
If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me...

I LOVE THE SOUNDTRACK!!!!!!! ah.. studying for finals; i have math and ICT tomorrow. history was ez today, and biology wasn't as bad as i imagined; just tedious. I stopped caring after the 90th question. i was practically hyperventilating before the test, studying. Andrew told me I was going to get an ulcer at that rate.

Think of me
Think of me waking silent and resigned
Imagine me
trying too hard to put you from my mind

so true... though i wouldn't want a person to think of me like that, for it gives them too much power over me. ah well, maybe if i were in love like her, i wouldn't mind.
doing matrices right now; stupid things.. i thought i'd never have to see them ever again. wishful thinking.
JAY NEEDS HEARING AIDS!!! he's hearing things, misconstruing my words, and putting words in my mouth! i said, "I already checked the first page." He stares at me, like, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" and i was like, "what??" then this little kid comes up and asks him stuff, and his face is just like as red as a Macintosh apple (where the hell did that simile come from) all the way up to his ears.. his ears always turn red for some reason, and i think i know this guy too well. and he's like, "what did you say??" i repeated, "i already checked the first page." he breaks out laughing, his face getting redder by the minute, and i'm like, "WHAT?!" and he's like, "i'll tell you later" bcuz the little kid is still there. finally, when he stops laughing, he's like, "I thought you said, 'i already checked it, b*tch" and i was like, "WHAT??? it's ME, Jay. I would never say that, especially not to you. It's not like I'm Joey." he's like, "it's another sign of age elaine." ::sigh:: grey hair, wrinkles on his forehead, and now hearing problems... you're only 18 jay! he wrote it down and stuck it in his wallet, which is a bad idea for remembering something, because his wallet is like the bermuda triangle; his memory is horrible so he never remembers anything, and once in his wallet, things disappear...
We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the Sea... i love that line.
Think of all the things we've shared and seen.
Don't think of all the things that might have been.
Those two lines are really really awesome, because they apply to almost everyone. Yes Connie, think of all those lunches at Canyon, don't think of all those at ayala... hehee!! i still miss you!!! elsa, think of wading in a brook at Blarney Castle; don't think of watching LotR and PotC in TN!! though that will happen someday.
There will never be a day when I won't think of you...
Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade
They have their seasons so do we
But please promise me, that sometimes, you will think of me

legovanan
another survey. i did this last week, and finished it today because i'm bored. yes i am studying!!!
// FAVORITES




firework)) GANDALF'S!!!!! ooo WHAT WAS IT?!?! O COME ON!!! i haven't seen FotR EE in soo long, but i can still do this:
::clears throat::
"The finest rockets ever seen
They burst in stars of blue and green
Or after thunder, silver showers
Came falling like a... rain of flowers.

No that doesn't do them justice by a long road..."
AWWWWWW!!!!!!! I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!!!!!!! yes elsa, who says that??


fastfood)) McDonalds... Meal #9; fish fillet. no one can compare to McDonald's fries... ::yum::



french fries)) like i said, McDonalds



chips)) erm... i like lots of chips, except salt and vinegar or whatever...
Doritos Cooler Ranch & Nacho Cheese are good.... O I KNOW!!! Ruffles, the really cheesy kind!! Lays are great too, especially sour cream & onion


theme park)) erm... probably Knotts (i have very good memories of that place... hehe ashley!) but Six Flags is the BEST place ever, if you go w/ ppl who are ACTUALLY WILLING TO GO ON THOSE RIDES!!! AKA: JAY, RAY, and KATHLEEN!



state)) erm... i shall construe this definition of state as a nation as well, so England


school subject)) history and english, preferably put together... hehee, as in the Silmarillion!!! Bless Tolkien!!


person to ride with)) erm... probably Kathleen. Olivia when she's not high on something is awesome too... all those coach rides libby!!!!



upcoming movie)) well.. how do you define "upcoming"?? the movie i'm most anticipating is Star Wars III. i know, so uncharacteristic of me... ANAKIN!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T TURN EVIL!!!!!!! i'm gonna sob soo much... bringing so many tissues!
best movie in theaters right now is "the Phantom of the Opera", speaking of which, i'm listening to the soundtrack right now!! hehe!! so happy


thing to do)) argh.. this one's really hard. i enjoy many activities.. probably writing, if i'm having a good day.


person to hang out with)) O FINE!!! DON't MISS ME HANNA!!!!! ::cries::
well, depends on my mood... right now i miss elsa, sydney, olivia, taylor, sam, etc.. also missing connie too... i love vorinwë... ::starts feeling nostalgic just thinking of all those times:: i miss you con..
i suppose at times camron, when he's not pissing me off and i want to think about stuff. in that mood, probably andy or camron
and no matter what mood i'm in: KATHLEEN!!! OMG YOU'RE SIXTEEN!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!?!??!?!?! i remember when you were SIX!!!!! it's been ELEVEN years... what is WRONG with you? how can you stand me for that long? when it's 20 years, we need to throw a party!

cereal)) i have cereal every morning.. i'm sick of it


snowball flavor)) we don't GET snow.. wait... are we talking about snowcones?? i don't know...


little debby pie)) what the heck is that?


dessert)) i LOVE dessert!!!! anything chocolate!


person to talk to online)) O SO ISILME IS "JUST DUMB" NOW HANNA?!?!?!? SO HURT!!! *bite* (don't ask ppl)


electronic game: i don't play electronic games thank you


board game)) erm.. i don't really play those either, but i suppose Monopoly, since it's the only one i remember playing. Scrabble in England was BEYOND AWESOME!!!


friends/party game)) hahaha hey Con! remember Twister at Sana's?? I LOVED TORTURING YOU AND ALEX!!! MURDER MURDER YOUR THE MURDERER CON!!!!
erm. i don't know. it's more the company than the game


// FRIENDS/PEOPLE



ur current best friend)) kathleen, as it's been for the past 11 years. am we EVER gonna tire of each other, mellon nin?
connie is still awesomely awesome, my vorinwë!! in a SKIRT!!! hehehe!!


ur current best friend's best friend)) well i'm hoping that my best friend's best friend is ME!!!!! but maybe i'm asking for too much... if not me, then Morgan. damn fish ppl.


ur old, if any, best friends) it's always been Kathleen. my earliest memories have her, and my latest ones from this morning have her too. again, what is wrong with us?? hehe you know i love you ka!! i have a feeling, when i'm on my deathbed, i'll still be having memories of her.. hopefully she'll be there when i'm on my deathbed! don't die before me kathleen! i couldn't deal with it as well as you could, though it would inspire great poetry...

reminds you of urself)) i don't think anyone could be as weird or as michael says, "bipolar" as me. i am NOT BLOODY BIPOLAR!!! erm... some people remind me of different sides of me, like Elsa when she's being obsessive and role-playing like she always is, and obstinate and unreasonable!! ehhee
Karisha sometimes does as well, with her craziness! i miss her so much too!!!!


wish u were more like)) hahaahahaa!! DIAMOND!!!! you know you're jealous Hanna!! well, while you ask Pippin, i shall ask Faramir: WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT EOWYN?!?!! SHE ONLY MARRIED YOU BCUZ ARAGORN WAS TAKEN!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!

anyway... well i don't necessarily want to "be like" anyone, though almost everyone around me has something that i wouldn't mind adding to my repertoire. for example, i sometimes wish i could be as cool-headed as Kathleen (and i should learn some domestic skills from her too!! hehee) I wish I could dribble as well as Connie, as well as being as kind as her to people; able to control her tongue. i'm getting better at that though.


// THIS OR THAT OR..


popeyes, churches, or kfc)) wtf is churches? well seeing as i've only been to KFC (and that was in england), i'll say KFC. it was sooo good in England!


lead pen, pencil, or pen)) pen


black or white)) depends on the occasion.


aeropostale, abercrombie, hollister, or american eagle)) never been to any of them, and never heard of aeropostale. yes i'm pathetic, i'm proud of it.


hot topic or abercrombie)) never been to either, though i hear Hot Topic has LotR stuff


lol, haha, lolol, or hehe)) erm, i vary between hehe and haha. i use haha when i'm just laughing my butt off, and hehe when it's a short laugh. i don't know!!! i can't stand using "lol" though

aim, msn, yahoo, or icq)) aim


type or talk)) depends on the occasion. Talking is more personal, but typing is faster for me, though i talk too fast anyway. typing is sometimes better bcuz it's easier to multitask


walmart, kmart, or target)) target, i suppose. I HATE WALMART!!!!!!! WALMART SHOULD DIE!!!!!! TAKE OVER THE WORLD WHY DON'T YOU?!



mall or movies)) movies. i hate the mall, but that really depends on the company. when i'm stuck w/ my mother, i hate it. when i go w/ kathleen, it's not too bad!



wendys or checkers)) never been to either




// RIGHT NOW



what are u wearing)) 8th grade Canyon Hills basketball shirt and Troy basketball shorts




who are you talking to)) no one.. supposed to be studying!!!! i really wanna talk to hanna and con though, cuz their both on, but restraining myself!





who else is in your room)) um... no one that you need to know
hehhee..



last person you talked to / about what)) my dad about lunch (more like brunch) we're having my favorite!!!! and i'm not gonna bother typing it out phonetically in english when it's chinese





// SHORT QUESTIONS




name all of the people who pop into your head right now)) Aleksei Nemov, Connie, Elsa, Aleksei Bondarenko, Faramir, Aragorn, Camron, Kathleen, Matthew, Michael Owen



what is set as ur desktop background)) right now?? a pretty picture that depicts:
Across the Sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

i love you connie!!! thanks so much!! it's sooo awesome


screensaver)) nope... it used to be this LotR one with "the Council of Elrond" as music, but my dad got pissed off at it.



what color is ur instant messaging text)) this color...





what instant messanger to you use)) well i have AOL, so yea.. AIM





what browser do you use? AOL




// REAL QUESTIONS



1) Do you believe in God? If so, why? If not, why not? Name one or more events that have led you to this.
erm... i'm not particularly religious because I wasn't raised that way. Come on, my parents were both raised in communist China, where religion is forbidden, so it's not really a big thing in my life.


2) Do you believe that all things happen for a reason? Why or why not? Not everything, but all thing that occur, or don't occur are connected, and they lead to other things happening afterwards. There IS a reason for everything that occurs, but not all occurrences are FOR a reason.


3) Who is your best friend (ONE)? Why? NO!!! NOT ONE!!! alright, Kathleen bcuz she's the most awesomely awesome friend I could ever have!
Then there's Connie, who is also one of my bestest friends!!!
Hanna is also awesome, especially since I don't get to see her EVER!! I heart you!


4) Do you drink (alcohol)? Do you smoke? Do you do drugs? Why or why not? NO!!!!!! NEVER


5) Name and describe one life changing event. Do you wish this had happened? Explain
Going to England over the summer. It's broadened my perspective on life, and I've realized that there's more to the world than Chino Hills and the surrounding areas. I don't know why, but I've been to China like 9 times, but it's never done that for me, probably bcuz of all the relatives.
England's also shown me how complete strangers can become really close to you; you just have to open up to them.
It's also given me new goals in life, and the motivation to obtain them.


6) Do you have any secrets? If so, can you tell one? If so, tell one
I have many secrets, as all human beings do, because it's societally impossible for someone to be completely open with everyone, because that person would not exist in the society, unfortunately. No, I am not telling my secret, because as the old excuse goes, "It wouldn't be a secret anymore."


7) Name a few people that you are glad you have met this year, and why. this year?? you mean 2005??? what if i haven't met anyone! o, well i met Belle and Gary at the party last night. You know what, I'm gonna go 2004-5.
Elsa, Olivia, Sydney, Sam, Joe, Tim, Roe, Matthew, Patrick, Bila, Mrs. Wilson, Esther, Ariana, Sabby, and I know there's more, but I'm gonna leave it at that. Sry if I forgot anyone!


8) If you could go back in time, would you change anything? If so, what? If not, what would you change if you had to change something?
Many things... Many regrets, but if I put them here, I'm gonna be depressed for the rest of the day, so I'd rather not


9) If you were granted one wish and had to take it, what would you wish for? ELSA!!!!! MONEY?!??! OY YOU BLOODY CAPITALIST
i would want to be able to speak eloquently, write fluently, read, and understand every and any language.



10) Tell something that no one knows. Something that you have never told anyone before.
Again, why would I say something like this?


11) If you could go forward in time and see one thing, what would it be and why?
erm... how the world will end? i don't know.. I don't want to know what happens in the future, because that would take all the mystery and appeal out of it. I'd rather go back in time and experience the lives of those that shape us. as in Dune, "To know the future is to be trapped by it."


12) What's your biggest fear that something will happen? (not insects, bad weather, etc.)
failure.. i'm a pathetic perfectionist who can't face her own flaws, i'm sorry. Wow, I sound like Feanor right there.. scary..
then i also hate SNAKES!!!!! AHHH!!!!

13) Who aggravates you / you hate the most? Why? HEY!!! WHY DO YOU HATE PARIS FOR THAT?!?!?!?!? I MEAN... THE ONLY GOOD THING HE DID WAS SHOOTING THAT STUPID BLOODY ACHILLES WHO IS SOOO CONCEITED AND THINKS HE'S BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!!!!! i hate him bcuz he made Troy fall... but whatever
erm.. ignorant people who think they know everything, or don't bother to try and understand
and in class, stupid questions that people ask right after someone says the answer!!! argh...

14) If you were to die at this second: Would you go to heaven, hell, neither, etc? What would you regret, if anything? Who do you think would miss you and why? Who do you think wouldn't miss you, if anyone, and why?
Whoa... that's a lot of questions right there. I don't know where I would go, because to go somewhere, one has to believe in it.. oo i know where I'd go, since I'm fated to be a mortal man, I journey beyond the circles of the world, where none save Eru the One knows; never to return until the breaking of the world... (::sigh:: i love it Miriel.. I know you'd rather be in Valinor with a certain prince, eh?)
I have many regrets, and I try not to think about them. I'd regret never having been to Russia, hehe, New Zealand, and all the other European nations (i know NZ isn't in Europe). regret never knowing the "bliss of love" or whatever
I hope my friends would miss me... I'd miss all of them, especially Kathleen (she had better miss me) Connie, Elsa, Camron, etc, and people like Miriel, Susan, who understand me when I start obsessing and ranting, and my parents of course


15) What do you want written on your tombstone? AHHHHHH!!! ARAGORN!!!!!!!!!!!1 sry.... elsa that would be awesome: "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." aww... ::tear:: that would be a nice epitaph.. erm... lemme think, i have many quotes. I want an elvish inscription around the stone, and... one of these quotes:
"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road grows dim."-JRR Tolkien!
"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." -Gandalf...
"I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank
"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." -Pierre Auguste Renoir
"What we do in life echoes in eternity." -Gladiator
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
"Through darkness one may come to light." -JRR Tolkien
and this one wouldn't make a good epitaph, but it's still my favorite quote:
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back. There are some things time cannot mend; some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold." -Frodo.... aww... i wanna watch that movie!!!!

omg!!! I LOVE JRR TOLKIEN'S TOMBSTONE!!!! i know that sounds weird. He and his wife Edith (i think her name is) are buried next to each other, and on their tombstones, they have their names, and on the very top:
Beren & Luthien
it's sooooooooooooooo sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
though Beren and Luthien aren't really my favorite pairing (miriel knows.. Nerdanel and Feanor) it's sooo sweet!!!! i think it's just me. i don't like the true romantic, romeo & Juliet type love; i have to like the problematic, troubled couple who become estranged in the end, right?
whoa.. i wrote a lot for this one.

legovanan
stupid finals!!! i'm studying for bio right now. trying not to fall asleep. my study plan, which no one really needs to read, but i need to put here just to make sure i keep to it:
English: test on Antigone; not hard. Skim over once
History: review notes; read all chapters, especially on Latin America and Africa. Study maps of Middle East, Africa, Israel/Palestine
Biology: STUDY!!!!!! STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!!
Algebra 2: Look through chapters. Do the review, and focus on matrices
ICT: look through notes; do review; focus on weaker areas
Espanol: Read through important pages of the book; Review vocab, verb conjugations
Basketball: NO FINAL!!! YAY!!!!

went to a party last night. Asian party full of old people, but this time they were really musical. it was like a mini-concert, and they made me play. Right in the middle of Liang Zhu (Butterfly Lovers) I FORGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS SOOOOOOO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!! I NEVER FORGET THAT SONG!!!!! and what sucks is that everyone knows that song, so I couldn't just make stuff up. I kinda made up for it by playing "Fantasie Impromptu" really well, and then I replayed it later CORRECTLY. but it was so embarrassing!!!!

Met two people around my age;
Belle and Gary. Belle's a senior at Fountain Valley, and she and I sang the whole night away; her doing the guy parts and i did the girl parts for Phantom of the Opera songs. she's so awesome!! she wants to go to the Air Force Academy and spent all this time telling me about flying planes.
Gary just graduated from USC with a major in Chinese, minor in business. He's sooo good on the guitar!!! Taught me a little Russian song which is realy pretty. haha it was so funny; we went line by line and i jotted down notes and chords, until I could finally play it. It's a pretty little song. really nice guy

NOW BACK TO STUDYING. i have piano in about half an hr

legovanan
my first official bad day this year... alright i made it for 19 days. argh. remind me to stop hanging out w/ people who make me feel like shit, please! and i am NOT FREAKING BIPOLAR damn it!!!! just bcuz Kathleen's the bestest friend ever (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!) and you guys are bunch of freaking imbeciles doesn't make me bipolar.
school dragged on. got home, rushed through hw, then drove 1.5 hrs to our basketball game. we were playing like 3rd graders for the first quarter. 15-5. then we got back into the game after coach yelled until he looked like Gregg Popovich. we were tied or within 5 most of the game, until the 4th quarter, the refs decided to turn against us. I've never seen Coach Yano that pissed before. Those girls were double dribbling, traveling, carrying-over, and stepping over the line on inbound plays, and they didn't call them. Instead, every time we got a rebound, it was a foul. Anna fouled out early; Kim, Mel and Stacey were in foul trouble. O, and I jammed my finger really bad; blood welling under my bloody nail. If my dad finds out I'm dead bcuz it "affects my piano". I have to "take care of my hands" which means not doing anything like playing basketball.
Then, the entire hour plus trip back, I got lectured on how we should have won and how much I suck by my dad. Then I got yelled at bcuz I care what my friends think about me and how they treat me. bunch of @$$es. and now i'm trying to study and my dad's making me go to bed. damn it all.
on a happier note:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHLEEN!!!!!!!!! SWEET SIXTEEN!!!!!!!! remember what i got for you on your SIXTH birthday? i hope you do, bcuz i have no idea... probably clothes.. or a barbie... HEHE!

legovanan
how many times am i gonna post on this bloody thing in one day?? ah well.. got this from andy

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. Elaine
02. Isilme, which happens to be my favorite
03. erm... freak? I don't want to reveal any particularly embarrassing ones, so I guess "LAINEY!!" (Justine and Amanda...)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. Elaine3298
02. DSluvr4evr7
03. erm... i don't know if i had anymore

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. my writing
02. erm.. my understanding of Tolkien?
03. what if i don't like anything about myself??? ooo i got it: my opinions

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. my pride
02. my mouth that always wants to argue
03. my tendency to seek attention

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. Chinese...
02. anything else?? oo!! GONDORIAN! hehe connie!
03. with Elven blood from Amroth! and if we're talking another age, let's say NOLDOR!!!!

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01. camron
02. life
03. myself

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
01. people who have no knowledge of Tolkien whatsoever but think they do, and try to insult him
02. people who seem to live only to shop, put makeup on, and check out guys
03. stupid questions that people ask right after someone just said the answer. god that pisses me off in class

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. failure
02. snakes
03. power

THREE EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. Tolkien
02. friends and family
03. food

THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
01. homework. I go to Troy, alright?
02. The Silmarillion and the Return of the King
03. picture of me, Olivia and Sydney in England

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
01. Tolkien (and all things affiliated with him)
02. Aleksei (Bondarenko and Nemov)
03. do your homework camron

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
01. Kate Rusby
02. Enya
03. Josh Groban, and can't forget the numerous soundtracks: LotR; Moulin Rouge; Phantom of the Opera; Troy, etc.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
01. Evening Falls by Enya
02. Into the West by Annie Lennox
03. Memory by Barbara Streisand and all the Phantom of the Opera songs

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
01. Camron (whether I like it or not.. hehe)
02. my dad (again.. whether I like it or not)
03. erm... kathleen?

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:
01. they listen. i can't believe that some of them still choose to speak to me after all the blabbing i've done about LotR, gymnastics, etc... (KATHLEEN)
02. i can be stupid and obnoxious and they still love me (or i think they do)
03. they're funny and can make me laugh when i want to kill someone

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BADLY NOW:
01. to have some fun with friends
02. the Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King Extended Edition
03. the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: (love is a given)
01. intellectual conversations
02. respect
03. humor

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. smile
02. eyes
03. erm.. physical... hair?

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. lawyer
02. politics
03. writer

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. ENGLAND!!!!!!! JUST GIVE ME THE PLANE TICKET!!!!! ONE-WAY, both ways, I DOn'T BLOODY CARE!!!!!!! JUST LET ME GO THERE!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
02. Moscow
03. erm... the rest of Europe?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. visit every European nation
02. understand my life
03. fall in love/publish a book

legovanan
awesome lyrics.. so sad, yet in a way true:

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Ever dreamed out in the world
There were arms to hold you?
You've always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone.

legovanan
argh.. i'm sitting here at home, bored out of my wits, unable to concentrate on my feanor analysis, with my dad sleeping on the couch with an old Russian movie playing, and Camron yelling at me to "Go do something!!!!!"

Anyway, on a happier note, I saw "Phantom of the Opera" last night!!! Camron, I wanted you to go, but you weren't home, and yes, I know why. Anyway, Kathleen and I were dropped off at McDonalds, and after Kathleen FINALLY finished eating (and I ate my food and her fries. She told me too) we went over to the theater. It was sooooooo good!!! I didn't know Emmy Rossum could sing! It was so great to hear all the familiar music. Other than the comic relief in Carlotta, which was a bit overdone, good movie all around. Very different from the book, but this time, it was actually a good thing. I felt sooooo bad for Erik (the Phantom). I started crying at the very end because he was so pitiful... yes, kathleen thought i was pathetic, once again. She kept feeling bad for Raoul.. WHY ARE YOU FEELING BAD FOR HIM?!?!! HE ENDS UP WITH THE GIRL AND EVERYTHING!!!! The Phantom wanted only to be loved, and he gave everything to Christine, but what did she do?? run off with another guy why don't you! ARGH!!! ::breathes:: JUST BECAUSE HE'S UGLY!!!! actually.. I quite agree with Ashley, the Phantom is actually rather good-looking, or at least, the right side of his face is. I love his voice in "Music of the Night". My favorite scene is the one where Raoul and Christine are on the roof of the Opera House, singing "All I Ask of You". I cried because I felt so bad for the Phantom. Their all kissing and singing, and happy together, and he's watching them from the shadows, his heart breaking... ::sobs:: poor guy.. She just drops the rose he gives her in the snow, and after they leave, he goes to pick it up... so sad... they did a good job with that part. The ending was lovely too, with the little music box and the rose...

Anyway, shutting up about the movie that I strongly advise people to go watch and i want to watch again. I'm definitely acquiring the soundtrack somehow. I really need to stop thinking about "doing something" as Camron puts it, and resign to my fate on a perfectly good Sunday gone to waste and work on this Feanaro thing!
My life is sooo pathetic... once again I ask, I shut myself up every day, doing homework, Kumon, playing piano, writing, doing math with my dad, for what?? I'm allowed a bit of "fun" with my friends about once every two weeks, supposedly. why the hell do i do this????
i don't want to go to the game tomorrow. i'm not gonna play, because no one except for the starting five get to play, and lindsey if they get into foul trouble. what's the bloody point of wasting another fine day!?!?? ah screw it all.

legovanan
IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! I CAN SLEEP IN TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!

we had a rally today, but i didn't go, and i took the time and went to the band room (for the first time) with andy and bila. we sang and played piano to songs like, "Think of Me", "To Where You Are", "Music of the Night", "Phantom of the Opera"... it was so much fun.
found two acceptable pics of Britain. I was searching "England", but all I got were "Scotland". They seem to forget that England is breathtakingly beautiful as well.
i love this one:


this one's alright too:


Argh. camron's begging me to do the whole matrix thing again, where Roshi, me and him watch the movies. They have to "enlighten", more like "brainwash" me.. i can't!!!! my dad won't let me.. i wanna watch "phantom of the opera"!!! ugh!! my dad's being extremely difficult...

legovanan
Still can't get it to work.

I find it amazing how easy it is to lie to yourself and believe your own lies. Actually, even if you realize and acknowledge your lie, you can still continue to believe it. It's easier that way. Is that a measure of cowardice? Of weakness? To be unable to face your own fears, if they are even that. I don't think it's a fear, but then again it is. A fear of what would happen, the consequences of this thing that you try so hard to conceal, to push down to the deepest abyss of your soul and the utter oblivion of your heart. As long as you keep denying it, it won't come true, it hasn't happened, it doesn't exist. Maybe Kathleen is right, though I refuse to admit it, and it doesn't matter if she uses this post against me in the future when we discuss this, maybe I am living in denial. Ah well.. Let it rest that way. Admittance complicates things, makes them so much more multifarious, and makes people more vulnerable.
i love this quote:

"When you're young, the world can still look good to you, in spite of the turmoil all around, my mother had once told me. You can lie to yourself and believe your own lies. Plenty of time to grow up, you think, I'm still young. Just let me stay like this a little longer. What a terrible blow it is to find out, at sixteen, or eighteen, or twenty that you are still doing it. And that it wasn’t something you just got away with in childhood, but something you did in childhood you will never get away from."

-"Fifth of March" by Ann Rinaldi

I'm probably killing someone by not telling what the hell I'm talking about. Hehe.. I like it better that way, because if I write it here, then I'll be admitting.. God i sound like Camron; i can kind of see why he does this kind of thing now. ah well, i don't like being on the receiving end.

legovanan
ARGH!!!!!!! MY ARCHIVES ARE PISSING ME OFF!!!!!! you notice the blank spot under "Memory", which I shall soon change to a more fitting Tolkien related title, once I get the freaking thing to work. Andy gave me a code to put in there, which was similar to the original code. The original one doesn't show anything under there; Andy's shows the URL of my archives, but not the link. ARGH!!!!! trying to figure it out.

Tomorrow is Friday!!! and then... A THREE DAY WEEKEND!!!! other than my english project: a psychological analysis of Feanaro that i shall enjoy doing immensely, a basketball game 1.5 hours away, and studying for finals, i'm FREE!!! though i know my dad'll come up with something for me to do. ah well. want to see "Phantom of the Opera", trying to convince Camron to watch it.

legovanan
i'm rather depressed right now. A girl I knew in elementary and haven't seen in more than a year, Karla was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. The tumor is malignant, inoperable, and she's starting chemo and radiation on Monday.
She's fourteen. 14. Not an old lady bent with age with grey hairs and wrinkles all over. A fourteen year old girl. A girl I knew. It really makes me think. How many more will fall under the same shadow as she has? Will it be me? I mean, I haven't seen her in years, and when I was with her every day, I have to confess I really didn't like her, and it's still a shock, and I still feel really bad, and I reminisce about the times that I had with her. What if it were one of my really close friends? I don't want to jinx anyone, but what if it's Kathleen? Connie? Camron? etc.
It also makes me think my problems are so stupid and trivial. Why would anyone care about my grudge against a few players on my basketball team, or my arguments with Camron? I was doing homework while talking to Amanda about it, and I was like, "It makes my homework seem so stupid. Why are we doing homework when any moment our lives could be ended? What's the purpose?" What will it ever amount to? For our future? What if there is no future? Life seems so insignificant; out with the snuff of a candle.
I don't know. I've been contemplating this question for a long time. WHY do we work? Why do we slave ourselves away on homework, on projects, stressing ourselves out? What for? All for a few letters on a piece of paper. Why? Aren't there more important things to do? My parents tell me, "So you can have a good future in which you CAN enjoy yourself." I doubt it. I think we'll always be slaving away, trying to attain something better, while forgetting the good that we possess at that moment. At 20, I'll think, "I have to get through college so I can get a job." When I graduate and find a job, "Alright. I have to work my @$$ off so I can be successful and then I can relax." That'll go on until I'm too old to work, and I'll "retire". By then, I'll be too old, too tired, and too worn out to enjoy anything for long. I won't have the stamina, optimism, and appetite of youth (and by appetite I don't mean food). Then, I'll die. Nice existence, eh?

I'm so optimistic...

legovanan
Well, as you may have noticed, I changed the layout again. This one won't last long, probably, unless i get too lazy again to change it, because it doesn't seem like "me", and this weekend, if I get free time, I shall attempt (while butchering) to make my own layout with that Faramir pic.

It's Monday again. ::sigh:: I have an algebra and a spanish test tomorrow. I MUST GET A'S ON BOTH!!! IT'S IMPERATIVE!!!!!!!! and it's not just Elaine's usual freaking out about tests and being overdramatic when it's nothing, i MUST!!!!! my LIFE Depends on it. and no, i'm not being a drama queen. My GRADES affect my LIFE, and my FUTURE, so therefore I'm uttering a true statement.

Tried to sleep on the bus back home today, but kept falling off every time there was a turn. Eva and Patrick were predicting when I would fall off.. GAH! I got stuck one time, and they took pictures. NOT COOL!

legovanan
I am feeling that familiar sensation of exhaustion that my lovely school brings on. I don't know. Somehow, I feel it in my ribs the most. To know I'm tired, I have to have this feeling in my ribs... I don't know. It's weird. I don't know if anyone else is like that.

Done with homework, watched Bondarenko do the most beautiful parallel bars I have ever seen an European do (no offense Nemov! yours are always beautiful) I say European because no one can compare to Li Xiao Peng on pbars, though Bondarenko's was beautiful, and I finally saw Jay and Susan again! Happiness!!! And plus, I'm talking to Connie!!! a good day. Let's hope it stays this way, and hopefully tomorrow will be similar.

legovanan
first day back wasn't too bad. but then, monday's aren't too bad yet. It's Wednesday that gets to you, because you're past the beginning, and you don't see the end, and the loss of sleep is beginning to catch up on you. ah well.

my back hurts. I LOVE THE RAIN!!!!! i ACTUALLY got to take the bus for once!!! so happy. Matthew!!! Andy!! Me and Andy sang on the way back, well.. he sang, alot, both guy and girl parts, hitting notes that are scarily high, and he's a guy. ::sigh:: ah well. he has a great voice.

should go play piano, but I found this site that has gymnast videos, and I can't wait till this Bondarenko one loads, but it's TAKING FOREVER!!!!

legovanan
I stole this from Elsa.. I think it's about time I got sick of these surveys, but I'm not. Well, I only do them if their original, not like the ones that ask you for the same bloody things every time.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

Elaine

Isilme

Webster (I cannot believe I just put that down.. Con!!! What other nicknames do I have? I'm drawing a blank on the 20 more that I have!)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my writing
my hands (not in any grotesque way... alright? I find them pretty, and they play piano and type well for me)
my hair? yes call me vain, if you will

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my pride
my school
my inability to let go, including letting myself go

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
Chinese... are there any more?? Oo I know!
Gondorian
Elven blood from Amroth

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
snakes!!!!
horror films
failure

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
the Lord of the Rings
gymnastics
music/books

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
jeans
a long black shirt
a Celtic T-shirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
bands??? hmm... I don't listen to bands that often.. I'll put singer/bands
Enya
Kate Rusby
Josh Groban
Oh, just for the heck of it, I'll put a band: Simple Plan

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
"Into the West"-Annie Lennox
"The Recruited Collier"-Kate Rusby
"Book of Days" and "Evening Falls"-Enya

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
Europe
to learn how to read Cyrillic, or pronounce Russian translated into the English alphabet
what else... not too big on "new" things. What new things should I try? Elsa? Connie? Not Olivia!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given)
erm...
respect
fun
philosophical discussions (yes I'm hopeless)

THREE *PHYSICAL* THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
eyes
smile
hair
in that order

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
say "abominable"
not obsess over Tolkien's creations
not think about gymnastics

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
writing
more writing? no.. the Lord of the Rings
watching gymnastics

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
learn to speak Russian
Be in Middle-Earth
not go back to school

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
translator elsa?? translator?? that would be interesting
lawyer
writer, and emaciate myself
politician, though my dad would shoot me

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
ENGLAND!!!!!! though not on vacation, I want to stay indefinitely!! Until winter comes, of course.. hehe
RUSSIA!!! in the summer, of course. I'm not crazy enough to go in the winter
erm... France?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
travel throughout Europe, including Russia
Speak English, Chinese, Elvish, Spanish, French, and Russian fluently, or at least be able to make conversation. I have three of those down, and Spanish will get there. Now for Russian and French.
publish my own book

legovanan
OMG when Sana sent me this i DIED!!!!!!! Mandos sent me back, but STILL!!!! it's SOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!!!!!! ahhh!!! i wish i could make a layout with that pic, but I'm not too good with html, so I must rely on others... i hate dependence. but yes, Connie was telling me i "overreacted". I DO NO SUCH THING! EVER!!! hehehe... me, NOT overreacting? as if!


it's sooo awesome!!! Happy new year! It doesn't seem like 2005, but yes, it is. Well, to start my first post of the year with a happy light and an awesome banner! Namarie!