legovanan
i'm rather depressed right now. A girl I knew in elementary and haven't seen in more than a year, Karla was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. The tumor is malignant, inoperable, and she's starting chemo and radiation on Monday.
She's fourteen. 14. Not an old lady bent with age with grey hairs and wrinkles all over. A fourteen year old girl. A girl I knew. It really makes me think. How many more will fall under the same shadow as she has? Will it be me? I mean, I haven't seen her in years, and when I was with her every day, I have to confess I really didn't like her, and it's still a shock, and I still feel really bad, and I reminisce about the times that I had with her. What if it were one of my really close friends? I don't want to jinx anyone, but what if it's Kathleen? Connie? Camron? etc.
It also makes me think my problems are so stupid and trivial. Why would anyone care about my grudge against a few players on my basketball team, or my arguments with Camron? I was doing homework while talking to Amanda about it, and I was like, "It makes my homework seem so stupid. Why are we doing homework when any moment our lives could be ended? What's the purpose?" What will it ever amount to? For our future? What if there is no future? Life seems so insignificant; out with the snuff of a candle.
I don't know. I've been contemplating this question for a long time. WHY do we work? Why do we slave ourselves away on homework, on projects, stressing ourselves out? What for? All for a few letters on a piece of paper. Why? Aren't there more important things to do? My parents tell me, "So you can have a good future in which you CAN enjoy yourself." I doubt it. I think we'll always be slaving away, trying to attain something better, while forgetting the good that we possess at that moment. At 20, I'll think, "I have to get through college so I can get a job." When I graduate and find a job, "Alright. I have to work my @$$ off so I can be successful and then I can relax." That'll go on until I'm too old to work, and I'll "retire". By then, I'll be too old, too tired, and too worn out to enjoy anything for long. I won't have the stamina, optimism, and appetite of youth (and by appetite I don't mean food). Then, I'll die. Nice existence, eh?

I'm so optimistic...