legovanan
Still can't get it to work.

I find it amazing how easy it is to lie to yourself and believe your own lies. Actually, even if you realize and acknowledge your lie, you can still continue to believe it. It's easier that way. Is that a measure of cowardice? Of weakness? To be unable to face your own fears, if they are even that. I don't think it's a fear, but then again it is. A fear of what would happen, the consequences of this thing that you try so hard to conceal, to push down to the deepest abyss of your soul and the utter oblivion of your heart. As long as you keep denying it, it won't come true, it hasn't happened, it doesn't exist. Maybe Kathleen is right, though I refuse to admit it, and it doesn't matter if she uses this post against me in the future when we discuss this, maybe I am living in denial. Ah well.. Let it rest that way. Admittance complicates things, makes them so much more multifarious, and makes people more vulnerable.
i love this quote:

"When you're young, the world can still look good to you, in spite of the turmoil all around, my mother had once told me. You can lie to yourself and believe your own lies. Plenty of time to grow up, you think, I'm still young. Just let me stay like this a little longer. What a terrible blow it is to find out, at sixteen, or eighteen, or twenty that you are still doing it. And that it wasn’t something you just got away with in childhood, but something you did in childhood you will never get away from."

-"Fifth of March" by Ann Rinaldi

I'm probably killing someone by not telling what the hell I'm talking about. Hehe.. I like it better that way, because if I write it here, then I'll be admitting.. God i sound like Camron; i can kind of see why he does this kind of thing now. ah well, i don't like being on the receiving end.