I really ought to go to bed earlier. Anyway, I played basketball with Connie and Josephine today. It was girls versus guys, as Connie had challenged a group of Hispanic boys. I hadn't touched a ball in two years... and it showed, but that's okay. :) The girls are still the more amazing side--well, Jo, Connie, and their friend Stella were--I was more like dead weight.
But the second game, it was mixed teams, and I had this really short, really annoying kid on my team. I think he was a couple years younger, but he wasn't very good, but he strutted around saying, "I'm Kobe. Kobe's here," and every time he shot the ball, he'd yell, "GAME!", despite the fact that he'd miss almost every time. At one point, I'd hit the ball out of bounds but it looked like the other team did, but I insisted that it was their ball. My lovely, Kobe-imposter teammate came up to me and completely belligerently, yet in a low whisper said, "SHUT. UP," looking me square in the eyes even though the top of his head only came up to my shoulder. Obviously, Elaine, the one with the lovely temper who always enjoys being talked down (and in this case, both up and down) to, loved that comment. I shouted back, walking past him quite roughly, "HEY. DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP, LITTLE KID."
It was lovely. He never passed me the ball. :) Well, he didn't pass very much in the first place. At this rate, I'm going to have all of Mexico chasing after me--throwing chips at people and insulting young basketball players. Thanks for the reminder, Yogin. :)

The other highlight of the game was when another player on that team, the only one who was actually really nice and really athletic, limped off in the middle of the game. We stopped the game and asked him anxiously, "Wait. Wait. Are you alright?"
After limping to the grass and collapsing, he only uttered one word, "Balls."
Lovely. All the girls were torn between bursting out into hysterical laughter and running away in awkward-ness. It was hilarious. When he finally came back on in five minutes, I was guarding him, and I asked, "Hey man, are you alright?" with a hint of laughter in my voice.
"Yeah. Just don't hit me there."
"Umm.. okay.. I wasn't planning on it, but wait. I didn't hit you the first time, did I? I'm sorry!"
"No. It wasn't you. It was... HER!!!" and he pointed at Josephine like she was the devil and he was about to eat her.

Wow. Men. So protective of their area! I'm sure it hurts though, as I've been assured time and time again by various possessors of male genitalia, but to me, it's still rather humorous. Anyway, it was lots of fun. Deprivation of oxygen is always something I enjoy, obviously, which is why Jay has decided that it would be funny to make me run. Grr. Too bad it won't happen. Connie, however, enjoys it just as much. She's psycho too. But I love her and Jo. They're always so nice and so supportive, no matter how badly you miss or whatever it is you do, on the court and off. Genuinely nice people, something you don't come across as often as you'd like. :)

It amazes me how much things can change within 24 hours. Yesterday afternoon, I was happily walking around various stores with Jay, laughing and joking without a care in the world. This afternoon, I was being convinced that it was for a good reason that he wasn't going to talk to me anymore and that we couldn't be friends, like the third grade suddenly rose up and reclaimed me in its clutches. Lessons I've learned? Some people might just have an innate connection, allowing them to just click and become fast friends within a short period of time, like what Sarah said she and I were like, and what I thought Jay and I were like as well. They just get it, no matter how weird you are. When you tell the lame jokes that even your oldest friends cringe at, they know that you're a big dork and they love you for it. But I've also learned that if you refuse to try to make things work and you run away every time you're faced with something, allowing memories and insecurities to overwhelm you, you'll never hold onto anything or make anything work. I also know that jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions and forces in the human spectrum and can make people do things they regret, and that you can't base any type of relationship off a lie because you can't get away with it in the end. I don't understand what happened; I don't think I ever will, and it hurts a lot just to think about it. You don't know how much people mean until they leave a gaping hole behind them. That, and late nights full of lonely emptiness and days with reminders of past happiness strewn through them.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

I'm slightly bored right now. My usual company either is sleeping (Yogin in DC) or ignoring me for some ridiculous reason (Jay in idiot-land).

So I shall do a bad survey sort of thing:

[ ] public speaking
[x] staying single forever
[x] rejection
[x] being a parent
[] giving birth
[] being myself in front of others
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] dogs
[] fish
[XXXX] spiders
[] flowers or other plants
[x] that Scary guy (I have no idea what this means, but knowing me and how pathetic I am, I would be scared of "that Scary guy")
[] being touched
[x] fire (don't want to be burned)
[x] deep water (The emptiness... and the utter awe of being in something so large and infinite... and the sharks)
[XXXXXXX] snakes (EVEN MORE SO THAN SPIDERS. Probably my ultimate, concrete fear)
[] silk
[] the ocean
[x] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's dad
[x] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[x] rats
[x] jumping from high places (Though I would probably be utterly petrified of it, I would probably enjoy it as long as I didn't die. Just like rollercoasters.)
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges (Umm... I've never tried, but I assume I would be petrified as I am a pretty big coward.)
[XXXX] death
[] heaven
[] being robbed
[] falling (I fall too much to be afraid anymore..)
[] clowns
[] large crowds of people
[] men
[] women
[] having great responsibilities
[] doctors, including dentists
[] tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[x] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[] ghosts
[] poverty (We can beat it!)
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[] being alone (surprisingly, despite how much I love people, I think being an only child has made me accustomed to being somewhat alone)
[x] becoming blind (not seeing all the beauty in the world.. that would be an epic loss)
[x] becoming deaf (seeing how much I listen to music, that would be depressing)
[] growing up (I don't think I'm REALLY afraid of it, but once in a while it does strike me as odd and extremely intimidating)
[x] creepy noises in the night (It's more my imagination)
[ ] bee stings (Well obviously I don't enjoy them...)
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[] needles
[] blood
[] dinosaurs
[] the welcome mat (... weirdos)
[] high speed
[x] throwing up (I absolutely HATE, LOATHE the feeling of nausea... like there's something stuck.. it's one of the worst feelings ever... shudder stomach flu *twitch*)
[] falling in love
[] super secret (huh?)

Final Total: 21 Wow I'm paranoid... or maybe just a terrible coward. :)

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.

I hung out with Jay and Vicki today. Jay's always bored so he came along with me to go birthday present shopping for Vicki, Royston, Sarah, and himself. I only ended up buying stuff for Vicki and Royston, the most immediate concerns. ONCE AGAIN, Jay was an HOUR LATE, this time because he can't FOLLOW DIRECTIONS from MAPQUEST. Last time it was because he can't READ the sign that says "IMPERIAL HIGHWAY." I'll take SOME blame and say I DID make him go the long way around, but he missed the exit and went too far, then came back and instead of "Red Robin" went to "Red LOBSTER." Idiot. Anyway, by the time he FINALLY got to where he was supposed to be (Chino Hills Shoppes), we walked around and bought absolutely nothing (except he got ripped off and bought exorbitantly priced Haagan-Datz ice cream). I've discovered that I know everyone who works at the Shoppes. We walked by Chipotle and I was JUST telling Jay that my friend Whitney works in there when I see her quadruplet, Brianna, sitting outside, talking to boyfriend Isaac on the phone. It was lovely seeing her and talking to him. Then I walked into the highly overpriced candy store and saw Lauren. :) Realizing that we didn't really like anything there, Jay and I left the Shoppes for Target, where we found our true home. :) After "accessorizing," we spent way too long gazing and commenting on all the DVDs and CDs they had in the store. It was lovely. He has bad taste in movies. And apparently it's "surprising" to him that I like chick flicks.. why would this be a surprise? Strange being.

After sitting in my car for like.. ten minutes trying to decide what to do next, send Jay home or wait for Vicki to come to dinner, we went to my mom's house to make Vicki's present, which was LOVELY, by the way. :) We had just finished when Vicki pulled up and the three of us went to Chili's for dinner, which was filled with angry phone calls from Yogin, Vicki's crazy stories about camp (she's a counselor), and Jay trying to make awkward conversation. It was funny. :) At least.. the latter bits. Vicki kept going on about how she's not allowed to "touch the bleeding children yet" because she's not 18 until Friday. And her favourite part of camp is when the children come up to her and say, "I'm bleeding."
"Okay honey, why don't you--
"I MISS MY MOMMY!!!" *BAWLS*

After dinner, Jay went home and Vicki and I watched.. of all things.. Camp Rock. I can't believe I sat through it, but Vicki LOVEDDDDDDD it!! And I must admit, I got pretty into it. Tehehe. I can't help it! Boy + girl stories make me excited!! And I must say, Nick Jonas is pretty dorkily cute and Joe Jonas has potential for hotness... not good. STOP STOP STOP STOPPPPPPP
I'm really thirsty. Night night people. I leave you with the note that BOYS ARE VERY STRANGE. Especially when they fight each other.

I've been spoiled by Euro2008. There's been football on every day on REGULAR TELEVISION, easily accessed, available to my eyes that had almost forgotten the sight of beautiful men playing the beautiful game!!! And not just any football, not the LA Galaxy pretending they can actually play or the Mexican leagues that score every two minutes, but world class, BEAUTIFUL football, played by the likes of Fernando Torres, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Andrei Arshavin, David Silva, Lukas Podolski, Philipp Lahm, Simao Sabrosa, Robin Van Persie, Xabi Alonso, and even, yes, that man I detest--Cristiano Ronaldo. (Yay he's been eliminated!) So now that there aren't any matches until Wednesday and the tournament draws nearer and nearer to its climax and then close, I first have no idea what to do with myself and then prepare to MOURN for the deprivation of the beautiful game from ignorant American audiences.

Matthew and I were talking just now, no, not about football, for once, but about how he's going back to Liverpool this summer. I asked him to bring me back something from Liverpool, and he replied, "But uh problem is, I'm not coming back till Aug 25 and you're leaving Aug 23."

And then it hit me, what I had known in the back of my mind for years and had really known in the front of my consciousness since I received that letter of acceptance to Amherst but had only realized just now: I'm leaving. I won't see Matthew or be able to get whatever it is I want from Liverpool, or Shayne or Andy or Kathleen or Kristina or Vicki or Jen or Alison or Royston or Amy or Jay or even Yogin or any of the people I've come to be so close with and love so much. As it hit me, tears came to my eyes automatically and I thought back to all the laughter and the quarrels I'd had with Matthew, all the philosophical discussions with Andy, all the literary discussions and puns with Shayne, all the bad jokes and puns with Jen, all the Twilight squealing with Kristina, all the McFly loving and weird faces and noises with Vicki, all the short jokes and high fives with Alison, all the arguments about "intellectual books" and naked men with Amy, all the food cravings and clumsiness with Jay, all the moping with Royston, all the years with Kathleen, and all the hugs and the kisses and the inside jokes and everything else with Yogin. I don't really know how I'm going to be able to leave it all behind, but for now, I shall stop thinking about it and enjoy the rest of the time here!

Working out is really painful, let me tell you. I've gone to the gym for the past two days, and I can barely lift my arms.

I went to the Rancho Cucamonga court a few days ago to file a request for a name change, so I can finally rid myself of the scourge that is Elessa and finally have Elaine Teng legally exist. Did you know that it costs about $500 to get your name legally changed? That's RIDICULOUS. I do NOT understand why I have to pay a newspaper $155 to have them publish it and then go stand before a judge. Who actually objects to other people's name changes, and what grounds do they have to stop me? All of this is just a load of bureaucratic nonsense that wastes my money. Grr. All because my parents couldn't name me properly.

My lazy summer days basically consist of reading, learning Chinese, going to the gym, eating, sleeping, watching football, and starting today, playing piano. I really must finish this scholarship application of mine.. I dislike inertia. I don't feel like doing anything, but then complain that I am bored!

I was at Subway today getting dinner and the lady in line in front of me spent nearly ten minutes ARGUING with the cashier about the amount of change she received. She stood there, SQUABBLING and almost tearing apart her receipt fighting over a perceived 70 cents that she was missing, and somehow could not sort out the math. In addition, no one on the premises seemed to think that a calculator could solve any of these problems, and she was far too angry and her hair was far too poofy for me to try to intervene and try to solve her mathematical quandary.

Moral of the story: GET AN EDUCATION, PEOPLE OF AMERICA
There are FAR too many uneducated, ignorant people out there who seem to think they have a right to dictate the ongoings of the world. I'm starting to become like Plato (no not that I could ever be anything near his greatness), but believing in the philosopher-king. Haha okay I'm done with my political rant and my despair and fear of the ignorance of the masses.

I'm applying to the Asian American Journalists Association scholarship and I have to write a short essay about "any involvement or interest [I] have in the Asian American community. If [I] were awarded an AAJA scholarship, how would [I] contribute to the field of journalism and/or media issues involving the Asian American community."
Any ideas, anyone?

Chinese is a very hard language to learn... those characters just don't stick in my mind!

You know how bored Elaine is when she starts cleaning, and today I was cleaning up my desk and some of the presents I got. I MUST NOW SHARE HOW AMAZING SARAH AND ANA'S GRADUATION PRESENT WAS!!!
First of all, it came in a very awesome, huge black box whose top was a graduation cap (tassle and all!). very cute. But the contents inside were even better! And each came with a post-it explaining why they were given.
-A package of five, very pretty blue (MY FAVOURITE SHADE!) envelopes all pre-addressed to Sarah and with stamps already on them so that I have no excuse not to write from Amherst. "The stamps are 'forever' (that type of stamps) because that's how long we'll be best friends." Aww how sweet Sarah.
-A box of Godiva chocolate truffles... to give me a head start on my freshman fifteen. How considerate. I'm really trying to resist them right now. It doesn't help that they're sitting right in front of me.
-TWO packs of my favourite pens! One assorted colours, which I always buy, which always doesn't work because the purple one always gets used up the fastest and then I'm stuck with the rest. To remedy this dilemma which Sarah knows, she got me a pack of all purple ones!! Which I was promised FOR MY BIRTHDAY and was then LOST by the SARAH.
-"Love Actually" because she got me that for my birthday and then LOST IT. Or in her words, "Because ijust fail--I finally went and got another one."
-my personal favourite: A "Handbook to surviving college without Ana and Sarah"
AND IT'S SHAPED LIKE A HAND!!! GET IT? GET IT? HANDbook?
The illustrated, multi-coloured book consists of things like, "No more white food" because I've been exposed to so much by them this past year and how I'm going to be a better driver because I won't have the "fabulous distractions that are Sarah and Ana" and I will no longer run into curbs or make a dozen U-turns (shut up..)
I will also experience a rapid increase in intelligence as well as listen to more "crappy music," which includes a very large, red dot that they illustrated to represent Indian music. Aren't you honoured Yogin? :) It now hangs on my wall!
-Lingerie... because they think it's funny... ew..

But yeah! I LOVE YOU GUYS! :) :) MUCHAS GRACIAS!

Hello!! It's SUMMER!!! I am officially a high school graduate. I've picked out possible classes to take in the fall at Amherst. And life seems to be flashing before my eyes. I really need to find something to do, actually. I wake up at noon and do nothing till midnight. It's very bad. And it's REALLY HOT!!!

Books to read this summer:
[x] "The Awakening"--Kate Chopin
I started and finished this yesterday.. such a feminist novel.. so sad though.. I hate the struggle between romance and feminism in those types of novels. It always drives me insane.
[ ] "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"--Edward Gibbon
Working on it.. very slowly. My dad insists that I read it.
[ ] "House of Mirth"--Edith Wharton
[ ] "Harry Potter y la piedra filosofal"
[ ] "This Side of Paradise"--F. Scott Fitzgerald

Woot. I'm on track! Learning Chinese at the moment, so must cut the post short.
I actually might go to Spain and China this summer. I don't want to go to Spain with my madre though.. grr.