It amazes me how much things can change within 24 hours. Yesterday afternoon, I was happily walking around various stores with Jay, laughing and joking without a care in the world. This afternoon, I was being convinced that it was for a good reason that he wasn't going to talk to me anymore and that we couldn't be friends, like the third grade suddenly rose up and reclaimed me in its clutches. Lessons I've learned? Some people might just have an innate connection, allowing them to just click and become fast friends within a short period of time, like what Sarah said she and I were like, and what I thought Jay and I were like as well. They just get it, no matter how weird you are. When you tell the lame jokes that even your oldest friends cringe at, they know that you're a big dork and they love you for it. But I've also learned that if you refuse to try to make things work and you run away every time you're faced with something, allowing memories and insecurities to overwhelm you, you'll never hold onto anything or make anything work. I also know that jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions and forces in the human spectrum and can make people do things they regret, and that you can't base any type of relationship off a lie because you can't get away with it in the end. I don't understand what happened; I don't think I ever will, and it hurts a lot just to think about it. You don't know how much people mean until they leave a gaping hole behind them. That, and late nights full of lonely emptiness and days with reminders of past happiness strewn through them.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.