a guilty conscience is the worst feeling of all.....

what is it about emotions? they ruin everything.. i mean they r cool and all bcuz they inspire great poetry and their the reason we can feel and we have relationships. but have u noticed... in the weirdest times like when everything is going okay and ur just trying ur hardest 2 get thro every day and ur actually managing, ur feelings get in the way?!!!?!? like 4 example, u've just gotten over some1 and then they come right back @ u and u just fall again. i hate it!! Kathleen, how do u not feel these things?!?!?! or how do u suppress these things????!?!?!!? u no this saying is 1 of my fav:

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person. But by seeing an imperfect person perfectly"
try saying that 10 times fast. i dunno...... love is soo confusing

okay on a happier note. i'm just glad i have a couple ppl i no i can depend on and can go crying 2... hehhe kathleen, sound familiar? kathleen's a great listener but she ALWAYZ GIVES THE MOST ANNOYING ADVICE!! yes kathleen, i no u no. Mandy's cool except she's 2 lucky w/ Cooper. no 'fense 2 either of them but rite now i think andy can understand me the most. prolly just bcuz i've heard 2 sooo much! don't wry, I still love u the most!! (ya kathleen, i just love u!!!!! i want u!!! jkjkjkjkjkjk!!!1 not lesbo here!) andy's gonna make me cry 1 of these days... he's sooooo sweet and understanding... just wish i could b like that.......

okay really good book:

I'll Be Seeing You
by Lurlene McDaniel.

SHE IS THE GREATEST AUTHOR!!!!! well other than JRR Tolkein. she's soooo great. she's a really great teenage author.

i am so confused. what does Camron want from me?? when i didn't like him, he was REALLY nice 2 me and when i start likin him he becomes a total b*tch 2 me. i don't get it. does he alwayz act the opposite way of how he really feels? i don't get it...... ugh!!! GUYS!!!!!!
guys=headache

kenneth is sooooo weird.....

well the dance was okay. i'm not gonna get in2 details. depresses me.

THE SPURS LOST 2 THE ROCKETS LAST NITE!!!!! it was kinda sad but Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili r both injured. but it was the preseason so yea. they got an interview w/ Tony so thatz cool.

i think i like Clay Aiken 2 much....

AMANDA IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! she won't tell me what her plan is and itz about me and she won't telle me whatz gonna happen 2 me on Halloween.

Camron and Karisha make a uute couple (smiles bitterly 2 self)

u no Jeffery and Kenneth both aren't going 2 hte dance?!?!? that pisses me off. Jeff has a piano lesson (hey i do 2, well on friday) and Kenny wouldn't tell me y. i'll bug him 2morrow about it. he'll prolly end up making me sneak him in

i hate being sick!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!!!!!! i keep coughing like i'm gonna pass out from it and my nose is killing me!

newayz, dance 2morrow=craziness 4 Leadership. Ms. McNair was soooooooooooooooo PISSED 2day!!!!! CAN U SAY PMS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? she gave us this HUGE lecture on how disappoitned she was in us and i still dunno what happened. and she kept yellin @ different ppl.

stupid Anthony and James. we're just sitting down in Kalmar 2day (history, last period) and i think it was Anthony who yelled out loud, "WHAT?!?!?!?! ELAINE LIKES KENNETH?!????????" and James's like, "SHE DOES?!?!?!?!?!??" and every1's like ooooooooooooooooo ELaine!! IS THERE SOMETHING UR NOT TELLING US?!?!!?!?! i turned like 6 shades of red and kept staring @ my desk. the only thing i risked was 2 look @ Kenny's expression twice. he actually looked......... happy. it was scary. i dunno, he seemed really happy 2 hear that. i dunno....... hmm..... i shall think about it.... he kept coming near me and like screaming bloody murder when i looked @ him. then in the morning,he kept buging me about being late 2 Home Room bcuz i was selling dance tickets. itwas rahter annoying but i stole his book and ran around w/ him chasing me so that was fun.

ISAAC GOT BRACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!! i think he made 2 big of a deal out of it tho, no 'fense. but he moaned and groaned like he was dying a very painful death or something. i think camron got scared bcuz he might need them in the future. i don't c y, his teeth r straighter than Kathleen's! (KATHLEEN UR MOTHER IS CRAZY!!!! u didn't need them @ all!!!!!) i liked my braces!!

well i dunno if my dad will let me go 2 the movies w/ my friends Friday nite (Scary Movie 3) he said no 2 days ago but 2day when i asked him he was kinda reluctant but sounded more flexible. hope he keeps up w/ his good mood bcuz then hopefully i can go. i no, this sounds sad. here are the ppl going:
me (hopefully)
Amanda (awwwwwwwwwwwwww her and cooper)
Cooper (o boy get a room u 2, amanda and cooper meaning)
Isaac
Roshi (o no!)
Camron (great *sarcasm)
Andres

i'm hoping Kathleen can come, she will "spiritually" not exist. heheheh she never does, jkjkjk!!

okay i'm starting 2 agree w/ Andy. (scary thing eh??) life is explained in 1 simple equation:
stress=society

do guys suffer the same social insecurities as girls do??? Bcuz it doesn't seem like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oo and thatz another thing. guys think girls r confusing and complex while girls think guys r. WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING JUST B PLAIN AND SIMPLE?!?!?!?! and i no this goes against my usual belief that w/o this stuff, life wouldn't b fun but 2day i'm going against my beliefs and saying that LIFE IS 2 CONFUSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

newayz, done ranting 4 now. our renaissance rally was last friday and it was rather successful, in my opinion. i am still being made fun of as the Scarecrow (theme was Wizard of Oz) but i think it was okay. ou r dance is Thursday and we're like freaking out tryin 2 sell tickets and get everythng set up. stupid camron. newayz, here's who i no r going in "couples"
Amanda and Cooper (eek get a room!!! jkjk, their sooooo cute 2gether!!!!!)
Isaac and Brianna (awwwwwwww, well he hasn't asked her but we're assuming this. he told me he was gonna ask her 2 dance)
Roshi and himself (c roshi can't get ne1 2 go w/ him, no he's just 2 obsessed w/ himself. he'll prolly end up going w/ Camron. perfect couple eh?)
Rachel and Alex (not in that way but as friends)
that leaves me. i'll goes ask Jeffrey if he's going. i wonder if Kenny's going. i am officially mad @ that kid. newayz, i'll prolly hang around Roshi the whole nite (lovely???)

newayz, TONY PARKER IS INJURED!!!!!!! NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN THIS B?!!!!! he sprained his left ankle on a preseason game vs the 76ers 44 seconds in2 the game after doing his trademark teardrop floater and he landed on Dikembe Mutombo! NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! PARKER!!!!!!!
on a happier note, ginobili's playing REALLY REALLY REALLY good so far. can't wait 2 c.

okay i dunno y i'm saying this but I LOVE THE PROFESSOR!!! can't wait till next summer when AND1 is back again!!!!!1
ooooooo!!!! and 12 more days till the NBA starts AGAIN!!!! TONY PARKER!!!!! MANU GINOBILI!!!!!! TIM DUNCAN!!!!! SPURS!!!!!!!!!!! awwwwww, poor kobe.......... :(

61 DAYS TILL ROTK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!! LEGOLAS!!!! FRODO!!!!!! ARAGORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ELVISH!!!

sry i haven't blogged lately. i've been soooooooooooooo BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm like totally swamped and u usually don't hear me say that. Renaissance is driving me crazy! well, rally 2morrow so that'll b over. October is a crazy month 4 ASB. bcuz rite now we have Renaissance Rally. and then next wk we have a limo lunch 2 set up, halloween grams 2 sell, a dance, and then the wk after that red ribbon wk!! eek!!!!!!!! TROUBLE!!!!

on a happier note, i got clay aiken's CD 2 days ago (the day it came out, figures doesn't it?) ITZ SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!! he has a GREAT voice. rite now my favs r This is the Night, The Way, Run To Me, but MOST OF ALL: Measure of a Man. itz sooo sad.
"Why do you ask him 4 heaven and earth, to prove his love has worth?"
i like all the songs tho. Touch is kinda weird but i'll prolly end up liking it.

4 the last time: Mandy, U AND COOPER NEED A ROOM!!!!

u ppl r sooo lucky ur not in Leadership. i mean itz fun but come Renaissance time itz like IS IT OVER YET?!?!?!?!??! and i'm an MC who actually is busy.every1 else just sits there the whole time. we have 2 stay 4 2 extra hrs everyday until 4 PM

i finished my fan fic. totally done. now i'm thinking about starting a new one. (here we go again Kathleen! hehehe) newayz, camron soo likes Karisha, i totally know it. @ least he flirts w/ her enough. okay i can't believe i'm actually thinking about him. itz a waste of time. that brings me 2 my theory.
i never understood the theory that your "heart" is the 1 that loves. like i gave my heart 2 him or whatevr or "sick @ heart" i mean it sounds good but technically your heart doesn't do nething but pump blood, i mean thatz very important, wait vital physically. but it as NOTHING and i mean NOTHING 2 do w/ ur emotions and ur love. ITZ UR BRAIN!!! and love really gets in the way, i mean i no "every1 needs love or whatevr" but it totally distracts u and wastes time. sry i'll stop ranting now

2day was fun. me and kathleen hung out the whole day. GOD SHE AND JIMMY CAN ARGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she thinks i'm bad w/ Isaac and Camron 2!!!!!!!!!!!!! so KA, what other science olympiad's have u been drooling over? jkjk! newayz, we saw Secondhand Lions 2day but WE MISSED THE FREAKIN ROTK TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERY SINGLE STOP LIGHT WAS RED AND THE LINE WAS ABNORMALLY LONG!!!!! SOMETHING WAS WORKING AGAINST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was a good movie tho, pretty inspirational and Haley Joel is REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good!!!! he should've won that Oscar, he deserved it (6th sense)

though i love Kobe Bryant, i must admit, after what happened 2day, the future is bleak 4 him, @ least his criminal record is very bleak. go here 2 c the report.
http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/10/09/bryant.case/index.html

i can't blieve Arnold Schwarzenagger or howevr u spell his last name won! what is this state coming 2? i mean i don't think Gray Davis is good. hey i just mispelled his name and guess what it was: Gay Davis. fits doesn't it? jkjk. there were no really good candidates in this election in my opinion. i still think Diane Feinstein should've run, she would and should win. go democrats!!! okay i'll stop w/ the politics.

newayz, still feel empty inside, making up 4 it/covering it up by trying 2 EXTRA hyper (i no u think itz impossible 2 b more hyper than usual Kathleen) i don't no. i think i talk about Izzy 2 much. don't u ppl think so? yea i probably do. okay going 2 distract myself by writing my fic. write more later

who am I? 4 many centuries, man has struggled w/ that question. who r u? how do u establish and be certain of your identity? just the fact that u exist does not guarantee your identity. who r u really?

i've been wondering about weird questions lately. my mind's been wandering strangely and listlessly and i find no content in nething. basketball, friends, streetball, TV, the computer, they can only distract my mind and buy it time. i find the only thing that i can find comfort in is writing. i feel if i write, i can insert myself into another world, a world that nethin can happen, i can do nething i want , no1 has 2 get hurt, no1 has 2 suffer, a world where i have complete control over. i just wish 1 day i'd be a great writer and ppl will actually like my writing, not just read them because their bored.

i love 1st lunch!!!!! well not really i don't mind 2nd but the only thing i wish was that band had 2nd lunch!!!!!!!!!!1 itz not cool!!!! c Advanced Band is rite next door 2 Leadership yet they have 1st lunch and we have 2nd. itz really not cool. c we should appeal 2 Mr. Wiley and Ms. McNair. c if band had 2nd lunch then, Ben, Jeffrey, Whitney, Vince, Brianna, Kenneth, Andres, and ALOT of other ppl would have the same lunch as me!!!!!!1 i'm happy, isaac's happy and mandy would b happy if it 2nd lunch bcuz yrbooks in it!!!!

i can't blieve i'm saying this but i'm starting 2 procrastinate. i can't blieve myself.i dunno y but in the past like 3 days itz been really hard 2 focus on nething but my writing. i'm on the last chap of my fan fic and itz getting really dramatic and i dunno, i just want 2 finish it sooo badly and i have some many ideas in my head and i can't wait 2 write them all down. 4 the 1st time, i feel that time is working against me, well the other time was school graduation. i'm gonna miss Isaac soooo much well i'll miss Mandy, Roshi, Andres, Jeff, Cooper, Camron, Kenneth, Ben and every1 else alo 2 but no 'fense 2 ne of them, 4 some odd reason or another, the 1 i found hardest 2 try and let go is isaac. okay i don't even no y i'm saying this rite now. they may end up going 2 the same HS as me! okay stop depressing yourself Elaine!
just watced Everwood. That Madison (babysitter) is soooo b*tchy!!!!!!! Ephram was sooooooooo sweet 2 amy tho. i hate her. she doesn't no what she has. can't wait till next wk, Delia rebellion!!!
Cooper is soooooooooooooooooooo sweet. i hate Mandy!!!!!!!!! ah, envy is a poisonous tool. okay i got that out of some book. o well. camron's a freak. i keep saying that don't i? alrite back 2 writing my fan fic. talk later.

22 days till NBA!!!!

omg last nite @ the movies was really funny. me, mandy and cooper saw Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star. it was really funny and Scott Terra was sooooo adorable. they had some really good disses 4 instance:
"Aren't you a little 2 big 4 that stroller?"
"Aren't you a little 2 big 4 the sidewalk?"

newayz, Mandy and Cooper r soooooooooooooo CUTE 2gether!!!!!!!! i was tempted quite a few times 2 yell "GET A ROOM!!!!!" during the movie but i couldn't. some kid bhind me called me a lesbo and i flipped him off. i no, i'm a bad person. being the GREAT chaperone that i am, i let them do whatevr they wanted. i feel like a 3rd wheel tho. i only yelled @ them like once when i felt nauseous. well i felt nauseous quite a few times but i guess when i was like about 2 throw up i yelled. their soooo cute 2gether tho.. it really does make me think tho. stupid @$$ camron

surprisingly enough, 2day wasn't a complete misery. school-wise it was alrite, pretty fun, typical, Leadership is really fun now that i think about it, tho sometimes u have 2 do things that r like EEK!!! camron-wise it was okay. he was being a b*tch in Leadership tho but he got in trouble 4 it because Ms. McNair heard him cuss me out. it was really funny but sad. in history he was TOTALLY sucking up 2 me bcuz he needed answers.. i feel used!!!! o well, got used 2 it a long time ago. MANDY IS SOOOO OBSESSED W/ COOPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is an example. yesterday, we get out from school @ 2 PM, get home about 2:10-15 ish. at 2:45 she calls me
M: Elaine? I miss him.
E: Who?
M: Who do you think?
E: OH NO!!!!
M: What? I can't help it!!! I miss him soooooooooo much!!!1
E: AMANDA!!!!!! U R PATHETIC!!!!! U JUST SAW HIM LIKE 45 MINUTES AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i started freaking out and giving her a lecture.

c what i mean? izzy was being extra nice 2 me 2day, it was funny. eek. i have 4 tests 2morrow. o well, hopefully i'll ace them all. key word: hopefully

i am really really really really really really really pissed off 2day... c some guys should no not 2 b extra b*tchy when some1's on PMS.. me and camron r prolly gonna start a full scale war, like World War III that will like end the world or something. seriously, that guy is such a b*tch!!!!!!!!!!!1 i seriously think guys can b on PMS 2 bcuz most of my guy friends r all like that. he was sooooooo b*tchy 2day.

cooper and mandy r soooooooo cute 2gether!!!!!! itz funny but it makes u think. he's sooo sweet, she's really lucky.