I am a big and utter mess right now. Red eyes, runny mascara (EW in the first place), smeared eyeliner.
I didn't think it would affect me that much. I mean seriously, I didn't love them all that much.
But I was one of the biggest emotional messes out there. Well, Emily, Taryn, and Ashley were worse than me.

I will load the pictures when I get the USB cord.

Closing night... Wow... It seems so... unbelievable. I was auditioning yesterday it seems. First time I ever saw the green room. I had no idea where I was. Almost died in the scene shop.
But for all that I bitched about them, all the girls I utterly loathed, all the times I got yelled at by Diane or Tony, all the times I felt isolated and wanted my friends so badly, in the end, I still loved it.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that it's Les Miserables. And then there's Michael, Ashley, Cassidy, Luis, Donovan, and of course... last but never least, little Maddie.
It was just the feeling. Like on Saturdays when we had 2 shows and we had like a 45 minute eating period in between, and everyone was in the Green Room, and Cameron (Marius) would be at the piano, and he'd start playing random songs, and within seconds, the entire room full of 30 people would start singing, well. (NOT 'GOOD' MICHAEL) And Cassidy and I would torment people by breaking out into random Wicked and Rent moments, or other musicals, and soon, Donovan, Steven, Michael, Luis, Ashley, they'd all join in. I mean, I've never heard that many people "moo-ing" at once outside the actual movie.

So tonight, Justine started tearing when we got in the dressing room before the show even started. I was okay until "A Little Fall of Rain", which I watched from the lobby, which made me cry because that song ALWAYS makes me cry, and because Emily was crying singing and hanging on to Cameron, who was trying to hold her without seeming TOO loving.
I was fine. Did the pissed off factory girl. Did the whore. Did the drunken girl. Did the beggar. Did half of the student's girlfriend.
"Drink With Me" killed me though. The song is the night before all the boys are going to die, and it's about the good old times friends had.
I knew I was done for when Matt opened his mouth:
Drink with me
To days gone by
Sing with me
The songs we knew

It just reminded me of all the warmups, all the songs we sang, all the stupidity.
Then the girls' lines that I could barely get out.
Drink with me
To days gone by
To the life
That used to be
At the shrine of friendship never say die
Let the wine of friendship never run dry

The tears wouldn't stop. Michael's mom saw me wiping them with my hair. I turned my face completely into Cassidy's leg all during "Bring Him Home" because I couldn't stop. He has a wet pantleg now.
Half the girls were crying through "Turning", because that's like our song.
But it was the epilogue where everyone broke down. Curtain call. The entire left side of the stage (girls side) was weeping. Emily (Eponin) and Taryn (Fantine) were sobbing. Ashley was BAWLING. I've never seen anyone cry that hard, including myself, and she has never cried in like the 10 shows she's done. Of course, I cry whenever someone else cries, so I started crying, which made Cassidy cry. Tony was fighting it, Steven was too, and a bunch of the boys were about to cry.
Jenn, our director, cried before the show at circle time where she gave us a rousing, sweet speech. Every time we saw her backstage, she was red. She's like, "I'm chopping onions in the office! I swear!"

After the show, everyone was crying outside or in the dressing room.

I love Maddie (little Cosette). She clings on me every day. I carried her around the entire time during warmups, including the marching in "One Day More". That wasn't very pleasant, but since it was her, it was lovely. She hid in the bathroom stalls with my HAT, locking the doors, so I had to crawl on the freakin bathroom floor. She is a little demon, but I love her. Her and Katie (little Eponine) hide behind the couch in the dressing room and the piano in the Green Room. It was really sweet today when I was sitting on the piano bench in the Green Room by myself, and Maddie comes in the door, sits down on the little kiddie chairs, and keeps scooting herself forward for like 45 seconds. I didn't know what she was doing, until she finally got close enough, and but her head in my lap and hugged my legs.
If I have learned one thing from this musical, it is that not ALL little kids are evil. Well, they all are, except for her.
I'm loading the 302 pictures her mom gave us on my computer right now, and shall post soon.