legovanan
Wow...

So this is what the relationship has come to.
The phone disconnects and neither of us bother to call back.
That's quite a change..
What a couple months can do is amazing.

Well if I weren't so insecure about him hating me I'd call back, but I don't want to be bothering.

Andy's like, "This is what you get from dating your close friend."
I don't get that. People tell you to date someone who you haven't known forever and aren't a close friend with. Who do you date then? The guy at Starbucks? Someone you don't really know? As Andy puts it, "someone not in your immediate circle of friends who you don't have to hang out with." Well if you go out, they kind of become part of your close circle of friends.

Oyy.. I don't know how this all works out.

It's amazing how difficult a simple thing like talking can become. I sit there and I want to talk to him more than anything else. I don't want to have to wrack my brains for something to say, finally come up with something, but then not say it because of how stupid it sounds in my head. He'll just stare at me like I'm crazy or have it bounce straight back at me. That transforms me into an arm-waving, jumping up and down, loud, obnoxious ditz because I can't just sit there like some people never saying anything, I have to do something and that's the only thing that will distract me from those thoughts. And then I'm just plain annoying.
Maybe I should just sit and shut it. I make up my mind to do that and then I just can't. It's just not in me. I can't sit in the corner and not talk. But half the time that's what I think they all want me to do, especially him.

And thus I sit and listen to the Backstreet Boys.
My heart did time in Siberia
was waiting for the lie to come true
Cuz it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too...