Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Emo/PMS alert

I feel very inadequate. I increasingly have a feeling of regression, of not being as good as before, though I am supposed to be progressing and improving in life. I don't really do... anything. I sit around the house, refresh Facebook every couple of minutes, and read. My dad makes me learn Chinese, so I have a quiz, learn new characters, and read aloud for an hour each day, but that's it. I played the piano again today, and thought about how diligent and good at it I was when I was younger. I then thought about Troy and how involved I was. Making a resume was really saddening because all my activities and accolades were from high school, and there wasn't really anything I could add to it from college other than the newspaper. But I can't think of what to do or what to join. I sit around longing to write, longing to express myself and do what I used to love, the only thing I loved. But no words come to me. I don't know what to write about. I no longer think of the fantastic stories of my younger years, which is probably a good thing, since they were rather ridiculous and fanciful, but with them, I have also lost the ability to just sit down and create. Characters that I loved, people that ended up sounding like people I knew without my even knowing it, stories that I longed to be a part of. That's what I really loved doing, what I want to love again. But nothing comes to me. Maybe I should read the Lord of the Rings over again and be inspired by Tolkien's words. Write what you know, but what do I know? What is worth capturing in my life? The people, yes, but what is the story? What is the plot?

So here I am, seeking inspiration. If found, please let me know.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome to my world.

6/17/2009 1:25 AM  
Anonymous pingish1 said...

:(

maybe you're just in the slow part of your book, it'll pick up again. i promise!

6/19/2009 5:58 PM  

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