legovanan
HEHEHEH!! I LOVE HOLDING POWER!!! So this is how it all started:
Matthew: People used to say I looked like Harry Potter.
Elaine: EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Matthew: THANKS ELAINE, THANKS. You're ugly too! MEANIE
ELAINE: GASP!!!!! HOW DARE YOU?!?!?!
Matthew: NO!!!! NO!!!!
ELAINE: I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU ANYMORE!!!
E: GROVEL NOW!!!!
M: Uh-oh... Why isn't she talking? Elaine! Talk! This is unnatural!
M: Please come back
Auto response from DSluvr4evr7: Matthew is an EVIL PERSON!! ABSOLUTELY EVIL!!!!! Je le déteste. It's a EVERTONIAN THING! So you know what, GOODBYE. IF I'M THAT UGLY, YOU MUST NOT WANT TO SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!!11
M: ahhhhhhhhh
noooooo
i loove you
come bac
arg
M: fine
M: hello?
M: is this another test?
M: ahhh
E: NO THIS IS NOT
E: THIS IS ELAINE
E: NOT SPEAKING TO MATTHEW
M: Why?!
M: nooo..
E: AND NOW ELSA IS GOING TO JUMP YOU
M: :'(:'(
E: CaptainJack1326: whoa. what an ass *plans to JUMP him*
M: omg
M: does she know were going out and that i was joking
E: YES SHE DOES
M: or does everyone think im evil
E: YOU ARE EVIL
M: you said i was ugly first
E: DID NOT
E: STOP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS
M: but no its all my fault
M: you said EWW
E: YES IT IS
M: stop with the caps
M: =( =(
E: I SAID EWW YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE DANIEL
M: i thought you meant..
M: arg
E: WEST HAM LOVING DANIEL WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BLUE-GREEN EYES
M: im joking
M: come baccckkk arggh
M: and you posted it on your blog?
M: christ lol
E: YOU LAUGH
E: THAT JUST SHOWS YOU'RE NOT SORRY ENOUGH
M: WHAT>
M: NO
M: YES I AM
M: arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stupid me *hits self on desk*
E: There is one remedy...
E: But you won't adhere to it
E: SO NO
M: omg noooooo
M: why do you torture meee
E: WHY DO YOU PRETEND TO LIKE AN UGLY LIVERPUDLIAN?!
M: youre not ugly!
M: and its not pretend
M: Arrgghgh *jumps off cliff*
E: which cliff?
E: there ARE no cliffs in diamond bar
E: and if you're going to jump, pick a pretty one
E: like in IRELAND
E: seriously, if i ever resolved to suicide, i'd pick Cliffs of Moher
E: but i never would
E: too afraid of heights
E: but ANYWAY
E: NOT SORRY ENOUGH
M: you better not
E: I PROBABLY SHOULD
M: its been 15 min of groveling
E: TO GET RID OF MY HIDEOUS FACE
M: ARRRRRRRR
M: NO
M: I HOPE THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT TO YOU!
E: O ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT YOU'RE ENTERTAINED BY MY ATROCITY?
M: NO
M: I SAID YOU ARE ENTERTAINED
M: BY MY GROVELING AND PAIN
E: WOULD YOU LIKE A REMEDY TO YOUR BLASPHEMOUS WRONG?
E: PENANCE?
M: YES
E: CONVERT YOUR FATHER
E: TO LIVERPOOL
E: FOOTBALL CLUB
M: AHAHAH
E: YOU LAUGH
E: ALRIGHT
E: YOUR CHANCE IS OVER
M: WHAT
M: NO
E: I'LL HATE YOU FOREVER
M: NOOOOOO
E: GOODBYE
M: you couldve at least said convert me
M: more feasible
M: my dad wouldnt change to save my life
E: BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS
E: YOU ARE NOT IN A POSITION TO BARGAIN
M: which is on the line right now
E: AND ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT YOU ARE NOT A FAITHFUL EVERTONIAN?!
M: i cant win
E: ARE YOU BETRAYING YOUR CAUSE?
E: EXACTLY
M: only because of you
E: AND THE SOONER YOU UNDERSTAND THAT
E: ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT I'M NOT WORTH IT?
M: no
M: i said you were
M: as in why didnt you say me, so at least id have a choice

ELAINE MAKES PHONE CALL LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY. Tells Matthew that the only way she'll forgive him is if he sings! And the song is reduced to You'll Never Walk Alone if he doesn't sing immediately. And the idiot won't do it!

BACK TO AIM (this is like a play.. soap opera more like it)

M: youre pretty and i love you and i am forgiven wheeee
E: heheheheh
M: you intimidating person you
M: maybe this is why people think our relationship is so dysfunctional
E: manipulative
E: people think so?
E: other than the evertonian/liverpudlian thing?
M: i think elsa thinks im wierd now
M: "she'll hold this against you for the rest of your life and itll bug you in your dreams"
E: HAHAHHA
E: NICE
E: i WILL
E: and it better be in your dreams
M: of course
M: except other conversations rather than this one
M: HAPPIER LESS TORTURING ones
M: CaptainJack1326 (8:31:58 PM): whee! we can all celebrate in good ol fashioned hobbit ways! and you can tell her i said that ;)
E: eehehhe
E: BREATHE
E: copy paste the part where you called me ugly
M: no i cant live with myself
E: FINE
E: then i'll make it up as i go and make it even worse
M: omg
E: hehe and show it to ashley
M: *puts head down on desk and sobs* :'(
E: NO!!!
E: *hugs and kisses*
E: SING DAMN IT SING
M: over AIM lol
E: NO
E: in PERSON
E: so i can hear your MELODIOUS voice
M: yeah yeah
M: i know
M: its so pretty
M: LIKE YOU
M: antonym of UGLY
E: hahahhhha
E: but you're being SARCASTIC
E: so you're calling me UGLY INDIRECTLY AGAIN
E: HOW DARE YOU
M: No im not!
E: DON'T LEARN YOUR LESSON
M: wow you word twister
E: IT'S TRUE
M: I complement you but nooo its an insult
E: MY LOGICAL REASONING IS PERFECT
E: complIment damn it
M: *puts head down and desk and smashes repeatedly*
E: NO!!
E: you NEED those brain cells!
M: whats the point if you hate me
M: ahh
E: NO!!!!11
E: *covers face with kisses*
E: *sings You'll Never Walk Alone to make you feel better*
E: *in good voice*
M: heh thanks
M: ive got a plan
E: uh-oh
E: this doesn't usually result in good things
M: i can pretend im sad and put my head down
M: and im rewarded
M: mwhehe
E: with
E: what are you rewarded w/
M: hugs and kisses
M: hehe
E: i'm not that gullible mate
M: IM NOT USING MY PLAN RIGHT NOW
M: SO DONT TWIST MY WORDS
M: IM GENIUNELY SORRY
M: ahh
E: alright alright breathe
M: just had to get that out there before you turned whatever i say into an insult
E: you're catching on
M: youre telling me to breathe?!
E: i wasn't planning that time
E: YES i am
M: *hyperventilates*
E: what's wrong w/ that?
E: HEY! YOU CAN't DO THAt
E: I'M THE HYPERVENTILATER IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!1
M: but bu
M: but
M: you might be mad at me
M: =-O
E: haha does it really mean that much to you
M: yes!
E: o god elsa just called us "precious"
E: that disturbs me
M: havent you seen that
M: over the past 40 min
M: =O
E: alright alright alright
E: *ceases to torture*
E: you know i love you
M: Yay
M: YAY
M: freedom
E: OO DO THE WILLIAM WALLACE THING1
E: !!!
M: yeah i know but youre evil when you torture me
E: CaptainJack1326: go and get married in liverpool
M: heh
E: gasp you just called me EVIL!
E: *starts all over again*
M: oh no
M: not again
E: jkjkjk
E: i'll love you till the day you turn into Camron and Stevie Gerrard leaves Liverpool
E: so that'll never happen, right?
M: Yay
M: at least not the first part
E: GAH
M: im not turning into camron ever
E: good
E: if you do
E: i'll unleash every Liverpudlian in the universe on you
E: and beat you down
M: dump me
M: for your own sake
E: i'd go farther than dumping you
M: eheh
E: you'd be lying in an alleyway on Frederick STreet

Yes I left out parts but it's STILL really long. And Andy, I don't care if it's too long and no one will read it, a year from now, I'll look in my archives and laugh hysterically at this! This is for my memory, and the entertainment of a few others who will read it, and to concrete it in history so Matthew can't deny it happened.

And Matthew: YOU ARE NOT GANDHI!!!