So I'm talking to Cynthia who is freaking out about the future and I just about mapped out mine.

isilmegerrard (12:15:01 AM): me? i'm gonna be one of those musicians on the street of London, the ones who sing and play for coins
isilmegerrard (12:15:02 AM): one of many
isilmegerrard (12:15:16 AM): with a tiny flat whose rent i can't even pay writing stories free lance to get by
isilmegerrard (12:15:28 AM): with an english boyfriend who's a photographer and plays football on the side
isilmegerrard (12:16:05 AM): i'd be pretty happy with that

Hmm... I wonder. Where did the photographer bit come from?

Liverpool won today!

O yes, hung out with Andy at Starbucks yesterday, as in Friday. That was fun (and very cold). KATHLEEN was supposed to BE THERE, but NOOO she's so freakin STUPID. It was nice to see Andy again, and to realize that some things never change, especially the fact that I still laugh and choke when you say 'boobs' when I'm drinking. Apparently human genitals work as well, except for 'vagina'.. Shayne please don't read this. And Yogin, don't even think about trying that at school. Andy's... more... formal, almost. Like, not formal as in like... proper and prim, but he's just.. older, I guess, which is true. He speaks differently, kind of. Sentences are longer I guess. It's hard to pinpoint. But he's still Andy and I love him. It was a little strange, thinking that he's still a Troy student and all when he's not, but I could still scream and rave and be strange. A nice feeling, I must say. One I've missed. I dont' know.. I know I do it at the lunch table and all every day but it's different. I stumbled across some old conversations I'd saved while looking for quotes for Shayne and they brought the momentary warm fuzzy feelings that soon crashed into nostalgic melancholy as I wondered, once again, where it all went.

*sigh* what is WRONG with me? I always seem to either dwell on the past or dream of the future. I never seem to be able to enjoy the present as it is. Sometimes I just feel so confined here. Work hard. Get good grades. Go to a good college. Get a job. Have a nice life. Isn't there ever.. more than that? Not like, glamour or riches or anything, but just... I don't know if there's any better way to put it.. adventure? I've just got all these romanticized ideals in my head and they're going to drive me to insanity someday... This is what Tolkien will do for me someday. Build Minas Tirith and Valinor in my mind and then when I finally realize it doesn't exist I'll go die or something.
I decided the other day that I want to live in Europe. England, obviously, but also places like Amsterdam and Paris. Just for a year or something. I mean you can go there and travel and see the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower and the Opera Garnier and all the rest but you don't really know what a place is like until you live there. No I don't speak French or Dutch and my Spanish isn't that great, but I want to experience what it's like to be in places like that. I think the idea of Bohemia is getting to me.. Less Rent and Moulin Rouge would be good.
And then there's that constant, unwavering desire of... I WANT TO BE IN ENGLAND!!!!!!! London... where the football is bad. I'll take the train to Liverpool.

Bohemia definitely taking over my mind... This is Calcutta. Bohemia is dead.